Boku no himitsu (english Version)

Chapter 4

I could see how it worked behind his forehead. He was just thinking about what he should do best, first looking at me, then at the cereal and then at me again.
I sat down at my desk and began to eat the second bowl of cereal.
It took a few tough seconds before I heard the soft scratching of the spoon on ceramics and knew he had decided to have breakfast instead of taking escape.

We were silent during the meal. I did not know what to say. The situation was so strange that I almost felt overstrained.
I pondered what he had said to me the previous evening. How much of it had been caused by alcohol and how much was true?
His response to my statement a few minutes ago I could not really classify.
I emptied my bowl, drained the remaining milk and then pushed the dishes away from me.
Carefully I glanced at Kacchan.
He continued to spoon his cereal and seemed to be thinking.

It felt like ages for the room to got quiet again. Apparently he was finished with food.
"Deku..." he started softly.
In the meantime I had started doing my homework and now looked up from the paper and at him. "Hm?"
He stared into his empty bowl, which he still held in his hands. His fingers tightened on the pottery and before he could break it, he placed the bowl next to the empty glass of water on my bedside table.
"Yesterday... what... did I done... and said..." he managed with difficulty to say as if afraid of the answer.
I wondered if I should really answer him. The possibility that he would get angry again were not as high as usual, but they still existed.
Nevertheless, I decided for the blunt truth. "You kissed me... And you wanted to know if I have something going on with Todoroki..." I said softly, watching his face closely.
His cheeks turned red. "Ki-kissed..." he swallowed. "How...?"
My cheeks were warm again, as I thought of the kiss. When I remembered how good it had felt, how much I had enjoyed it.
"On my lips. A French kiss... " I answered and turned away from him. I did not want to see what would come next, did not want to see the disgusting expression on his face.
I heard him holding his breath, then another soft "fuck" on his part.
He got up. I heard his clothes rustling and then his footsteps which slowly moved away from me.
"I'm sorry, Deku..." he said very softly opened the door and left my room.

I stayed back alone staring at the paper sheets in front of me for several minutes before turning to stare at the already closed door.
What just happened? Had Kacchan really apologized to me? I just didn't understand anything anymore. He hated me. Why hadn't he reproached me, why hadn't he blamed me for everything like he always did?
I got up, collected the dishes and brought them down to the kitchen.

The dorm was empty, which wasn't really surprising. It was Saturday after all, we didn't have any lessons and the weather was really nice and warm for the beginning of October.
I toyed with the idea of ​​going outside, but rejected it again as I thought of my unfinished homework still waiting for me.
Luckily it wasn't that much, so I decided to take care of it and enjoying the afternoon after finishing.

.~*~.

I spent the next two hours doing what I had to do and was done with it when a soft knock on my door grabbed my attention.
I listened, then grinned. It was the knock signal that Shôto and I had got used to.
"Come in!" I called and stowed in the meantime my things in the backpack, then turned to the door.
The door opened and Shôto stuck his head into the room.
"Hey, you're still alive" he stated grinning.
I sighed softly, then nodded. "Yes, seems so. Although I believe that I'm not through it yet..."
Shôto slipped into the room and dropped onto my bed looking at me.
"Wanna tell me, what's going on?"
Again I nodded and started to talk. I told him everything that had happened last night, what Kacchan had done and how I felt about it. I also told him what had happened in the morning and how confused I was now.
Shôto listened to everything in peace. "So for me, his behavior sounds like he's jealous..." he finally put the guess.
I blinked. "Kacchan... jealous? I can't imagine that. Why should he be jealous?" I wanted to know skeptically.
Shôto shrugged. "Why else would he want to know if we're dating?" He pointed out.
I nodded slowly. It made sense, but I couldn't imagine it anyway.
Just as slowly as I had nodded, I now shook my head. "That was just the alcohol..."
Shôto smiled. "But don't children and drunks always tell the truth?"
I thought about it, then hung my head. "Why does everything always have to be so complicated..."
"No one said it is always easy."

He got up opened the door to the balcony and stepped out.
A fresh breeze blew into the room. I looked out at him. He raised his head and looked up then took a step back and looked at me.
"But if I were you, I'd try talking to him again. He was not flipped out earlier. Maybe he just needs a little push in the right direction" he smiled. He had spoken a bit louder than necessary. I did not think about it, shoved it to the reason that he was outside and I was still inside.
I got up, leaned against the doorframe and looked at him. "And what should I say in your opinion? Maybe: Kacchan, I love you, so please stop hating me? This is nonsense. I could never say that to him! Since I could also sign my death sentence right now." I raised an eyebrow.
Shôto started to grin all over his face. He took a step back leaning his back against the parapet and looking up.
I blinked. His behavior was extremely strange right now! Was there anyone up there who had heard us?
I swallowed, stepped next to him, looked up and froze.
Kacchan stood on his balcony two floors above us and looked down at us.
I felt as if the ground under my feet would be torn away. He had heard it. Kacchan had heard everything I had said. I looked at him. He knew it.
My heart skipped a beat before it began to hammer in my chest. My mouth was bone dry, yet I tried to swallow, wanted to get the lump in my throat away.
I broke off the eye contact, trembling, went back to my room and hid under the blanket. To my horror, I realized that this was a huge mistake.
The blanket, the pillow, everything here still smelled like Kacchan.
Tears came into my eyes.

Tbc...