Room 303

Chapter 16

                                     Stella

  She sat on her bed staring at the picture in hand. She missed her. She missed her so much it was unbearable, but there was nothing she could do. She was gone now. Stella knew that there was nothing she could do to bring her back. After all, we can't bring the dead back to life. This requires a power beyond human nature and Stella knew that clearly.

  "I miss you so much mum. Although I didn't know you for long, but I do miss you like I've known you forever." She held the picture close to her heart as tears ran down her cheeks.
  "Why had this happened to you, to us? I always wished that we could have been together all those years. My foster parents did right by me all the time, but nothing can replace the love of biological parents. You left me so soon. I have a million questions in mind. Why did you leave when I was young? Why didn't you come back looking for me? Why hadn't you contacted me at all? Why, why, why!" She snapped at the picture. A tear fell on the picture staining it at the bottom corner. Stella used her finger to gently dry it off. The picture was of her mother, father, and herself. Her father left them a very long time ago and never came back. Stella didn't know anything about her mother's past except that she had a mental break down and was admitted to a mental hospital. Was my mother that bad that dad had to leave, or did he just get fed up of both of us and wanted out?

  Sadly, Stella can never know the truth now that her mother was gone, and she didn't have the faintest idea about the whereabouts of her father. Whether he was dead or alive, she had no clue. She tried to find him once or twice, but failed. She let the matter rest until destiny gets them back together, if it ever does. Her mother on the other hand was easy to find. Her foster parents were very understanding when she asked them about her parents and told her everything they knew. Stella visited the hospital where Anna, Stella's mother, was admitted years back and found records of her. Of course personal details weren't given to her due to patient's confidentiality and all that sort of things, but Stella had her connections and was able to get what she wanted in a short period of time. She then tracked her mother down and knew that she had suffered from mental illness throughout her life. She had been released for sometime, and after a series of incidents, she was re-admitted to a mental hospital which was the asylum Stella currently worked in.

  She started working at the asylum after she graduated as a nurse. She graduated with honours. She wanted to work in health care because she wanted to help people and care for them. She knew that being a doctor would mean that she would heal and treat lots of patients, but that wouldn't allow her a lot of time on daily basis with her patients, and that is what she wanted the most. She wanted to be close to her mother. To help her, to look after her and care for her like no one ever did before. That was when Stella decided to work at the Asylum. She didn't know what was waiting for her. She didn't know of the horror and terror she might witness in there, she just wanted to be next to her mother. Stella started working at the Asylum shortly after she graduated. She had another job at a decent hospital, but decided to leave once she knew there was vacancy in the Asylum on the same floor where her mother was residing. She explained that she always fancied working with the mentally ill and it was a challenge worth taking. Of course half of what she said was made up, but she didn't care as long as she could be next to her mother. She finally succeeded in being her mother's personal nurse. Tears filled her eyes with joy and remorse the second she saw her mother. She felt happy for finally being next to her after all those years, but at the same time, she felt guilty for not being with her through whatever she went through. Stella knew it wasn't her fault. She knew that she was abandoned and that she should be mad at her mother and not the other way around, but she just couldn't.

  Anna was sitting on the bench in the garden when a fellow nurse had gotten Stella to see her. The nurse had no idea who Stella was. No one knew. It was a secret and was always left that way.
  "How are you today Anna?" Asked the nurse with a warm smile.
  Stella was still standing behind too scared to see her.
  "Please come over here Stella," ushered the nurse.
  Stella took baby steps towards her mother. Her heart was beating so fast and blood was rushing through her body at fast rate.
  "Say hello to Stella, Anna."

  Anna raised her head slowly and looked Stella in the eyes. Stella felt her heart leap out of her body. His whole body cringed at the sight of her tired old mother. Her eyes were droopy and her skin was pale. She was very thin and old age had gotten the best of her. She wore a cap to cover her head. No sign of hair was seen popping out of it. Stella tried as hard as she can to hold back her tears. She didn't want anyone to suspect anything, so she forced on a smile and acted casually like she would act with any other patient.

  "Hello Anna," Stella said extending her arm to greet her.
  "Hello Stella," her voice cracked out of tiredness. "How can I help you?"
  Stella pulled back her free hand which wasn't shaken by Anna.
  "She has Alzheimer," said the nurse. "It is a bit advanced." Stella felt like she had been knocked out of breath.
  "The doctors tried their best, but there was nothing they could do especially after she was diagnosed with cancer."
  "Cancer?" Asked Stella horrifically.
  "Yes, she was diagnosed with it a few months ago. She has leukaemia. She is on chemotherapy now. She gets treated here since it is more convenient for her. We have everything here. Doctor Moore made sure she had all the proper treatment." 

  "Doctor Moore?"
  "She was Anna's physician?"
  "Was?"
  "Yes, she took great care of her, but a personal emergency came up back home and she had to leave."
  "Oh I see. Who is her doctor now?"
  "Doctor Steven. He is the senior supervisor on the third floor. He makes most of the decisions, and the ones he doesn't make, he either approves them or dismisses them."
  "I see."
  "Anna, Stella is going to be your personal nurse. She is going to take good care of you when I leave. You are going to be in safe hands I am sure of it," she said smiling faintly at Stella.
  "We will be back soon," said the nurse. Let me show you around. She took Stella and showed her all that had to be seen. She explained the basics and gave her a list of all the references she could use.
  "If you need any help, you can ask any of the fellow nurses. They would all be glad to help."
  With that said, the nurse left Stella alone. Stella looked back through the window at her mother who was still sitting in the same place as when she arrived. "I will do my best to make your remaining days as happy as I can." Tears rolled down her cheeks, and for the first time in her life, she felt triumphant. She had gotten what she wanted. Although she didn't wish to see her mother in that state, but she was glad she was finally reunited with her.

  Days passed and Stella became good friends with Anna who had no idea who Stella was. She never even talked about her past or her daughter. She never mentioned anything of her past despite Stella's effort to get some information. Anna stayed quiet every time Stella hinted anything about her past or asked Anna about hers. There wasn't much to say and Stella didn't want to force things out of Anna. Perhaps she doesn't remember, or the memories are too painful to be recalled. Anna had troublesome final days. She always woke up at night hallucinating or crying out of pain. Stella was so angry at life, so angry at herself. She was frustrated and couldn't do anything to help her dying mother. She was helpless and powerless. No matter what she did or gave her to try and help her, the pain was still unbearable. She just had to wait. Had to wait for the time she took her last breath.

  Stella was being torn on the inside. She wanted to help her and end it for her more than once. She wanted to give her a few millilitres of what could shut her body down and set her at ease. She wanted to end her misery, but she couldn't. She just couldn't kill her own mother even if it was for her own benefit. Stella survived the horror of watching her mum slip away every day until one day she was gone. She went without knowing that Stella was her daughter and that she had come all this way to be with her. To care for her. To love and protect her like she couldn't do when she was young. Stella wanted to tell her bits and pieces about her life, but Anna would forget them anyway. Stella didn't want to tell her that she was her daughter and risk the fact that she might not know her at all, or even if she did, she would forget her in a blink of an eye. Although Stella would never know if Anna would have known her, she was still content with what she achieved.

  She pushed the picture away from her chest and placed it back along with the letter left to her by Anna. Not Anna the mother, but Anna the friend. The letter read:

Dear Stella,

I know I had only known you for a short period of time, but I feel like I've known you forever. Thank you for helping me out everyday. You are an angel.
P.S. Forgive me if I ever forget you. You know I never meant to.

With Love,
Anna

  Stella knew that Anna was talking about her Alzheimer, but part of her wished the "P.S.' part was about the past. About Anna apologising for leaving her, for not being there for her. She put the picture and the letter along with few personal documents under the timber. She secured it firmly leaving her past buried under the ground.