Grease Monkey | shawnmendes

nine

How could Shawn just leave? People have stupid fights all the time, right? I needed him and he just up and left for New York - the place I've been dying to get to. He could have helped me get there if he really cared, right?! Maybe he wasn't really my friend. Neither one of us really opened up to one another, so maybe he was just being nice so that I would help him pass math. Through all of the stubbornness, though, I felt something different with him. I thought I could see him wanting to open up from time to time. And I often did too, I was just too afraid of a let down - too afraid that if I let anyone in, they'd tear me down like everyone else. It was why I'd become so stubborn, so closed off to anyone but Kyle, Tessa, and my parents - now I see where that's left me. If  Shawnleft because of a little fight then he'd probably do the same as everyone else. I'm better off doing my own thing. I just need to graduate and get to NYU to finish my education and then work on my career. I don't need anyone but me.

I buried my head into my pillow, this time fighting anger. I'd been crying from sadness all afternoon, but now I realized that I was the only one who'd never let me down. I gritted my teeth, not wanting to have to deal with anyone as my mom called me down to the dinner table.

I picked at my vegetables, eyes still puffy and swollen from all the crying I'd done earlier. My mom made us eat family dinner every night, but since the move, no one ever spoke.

"Kenna, are you still upset?" No mom I'm crying because I'm happy. My parents didn't know about the Shawn side to everything. They only knew about Kyle and Tessa.

I nodded my head, keeping my eyes on the broccoli in front of me. "But that's not all. Dad, why are we here? What is your job exactly?"

A curious expression played out onto my dad's face. I don't know if it was because this I was actually showing interest in him for the first time since we'd moved or if he was going to hide what I already knew - that he was ruining this little town.

"Well, this town's economy needs a boost. So I'm bringing in new business - planning to expand this town." He put his fork down and rested his head on his hand, looking at me.

"So you're taking land from people." I retorted.

"No, I'm buying land that's for sale." He defended.

"Land that's for sale because family's can't afford to keep it, so they're forced to give it away to greedy men like you." I let my fork hit my plate. "When your little job is done, will we stay here or return to New York? Do you like it here?"

"Well, we'd planned on taking you home to New York for University. Plus, that's where our lives are."

"Exactly!" I cut him off. "The only reason we're here is to make a shitload of money. Then you'll pack up and leave, not caring if the business here actually succeed or not. You won't even care what happens to the town here or the people in it. So you and mom both need to stop trying to be nice to the people here - quit playing the part and acting like you love it because you both hate it as much as I do." I huffed, wanting to beg my mom to excuse me from the table.

"We thought you were beginning to like it here." My mom spoke softly.

"What does it matter? You'll rip me away as soon as I find my place here, anyways." I growled, clearly upset again. I fought the tears. I didn't want anyone to see me cry, but especially my parents. "I'm going to my room."

"Kenna!" My dad called out as I ran up the stairs, but I heard my mom stop him.

I had homework to catch up on. My grades were slipping with all of my focus on getting back to New York.

++

"Kenna!" I heard a shout from the outside of my door. It was my mom. I'd fallen asleep after finishing up homework, so I glanced at my clock. It was 11pm. Before I could answer her shout, she'd opened the door and sat on the edge of my bed.

"What's wrong?" I mumbled, still half asleep.

"We know you're having a hard time. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. You're right about so much. I miss you, Ken. I can't imagine how this has been for you. So, I bought you a plane ticket."

"What?" My eyes shot up to meet hers.

"It's one way. You want to go back, then go. If you don't, you don't have to. You can use it whenever you want. I just don't want you to feel stuck. That's a miserable way to be. But now, you can take off to New York if things here get to be too much." She handed me an envelope. I peeked inside and also found a key. "It's to the old apartment. We didn't end up selling it. So, it's all yours if you want to go back."

I thought I might die of arrhythmia. My heart beat was jumping around and I had to take a deep breath. "Th-thanks mom." I managed to utter.

"There's only one condition." She spoke and I met her gaze again. "You tell me goodbye first."

Whatever pieces of my heart that weren't broken, shattered in that moment because that little statement proved that she knew our relationship was terrible now. And now that she realized it, I wanted to cry. But I wouldn't let myself. She was partly to blame for this, so her nice gesture wouldn't mean that everything was hunky dory between us. No. I gave her a small smile.

"I will."

She returned the smile and left my room. I sighed. I had a decision to make: return to New York or stay in Arkansas?