sober : tracob

5

Slurs, yelling, drugs, alcohol.
The next day

Troye ☹ : You think?

Jacob ☼ : I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true silly.

Troye ☹ : Maybe I'll contact some agencies or something one day. Also I feel like it's only fair if you send me a photo back.

Jacob ☼ : I don't recall us making any deals, Troye.

Troye ☹ : You're stubborn as well, I see.

Jacob ☼ : I'm just worth waiting for.

Troye ☹ : OH WOW someone's full of themself.
Troye ☹ : Kidding, kidding, don't go all angry feminist at me.

Jacob ☼ : I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that and go on with my day!
Jacob ☼ : Speaking of, what are ur plans for the day? Anything fun?

Troye ☹ : Gonna smoke, and take Liz to an appointment. I paid her $100 to see what the gender is..

Jacob ☼ : You shouldn't have to do that Troye

Troye ☹ : Yeah well thats the reality of it, I just want to know the gender.

Jacob ☼ : Is she keeping it?

Troye ☹ : I don't want to talk about this. I'm going to smoke ttyl

Jacob ☼ : Again? /:

Troye ☹ : Yes. Always.

Jacob ☼ : That means you're going to be more mean tonight.

Troye ☹ : Sorry, I'll mute you until the morning  so that I'm not mean to you.

Jacob ☼ : No, don't, I can take whatever you might have to say.

Troye ☹ : Uh okay.

———————

Troye smoked a blunt by himself, dreading going to pick Liz up later. He promised himself he wouldn't get attached to this baby but something is telling him that knowing the gender will make him fall more in love with this little creation of his. He respects Liz's choice to an extent. She doesn't want to keep the baby, and thats her choice. But treating her body like shit is not only hurting her, but hurting the baby too. And thats not fair.

Troye's been raised to have no emotions. Or at least not let it be known that he does have them. Troye has been told they make him weak. If he cries, he's a faggot. The only way he's allowed to express anger without being called gay, is by fighting. And if he loses, he's shit out of luck, they won't ever let him live it down. This is the first time he's felt this way towards something. Its like he can't hold back anymore. He wants this baby. He wants to raise it better than he was raised. He wants to shower it in love. But he's afraid that it won't happen like that.

During the appointment, Liz went on and on about how this was a "stupid idea" and "she's going to abandon this thing the moment it pops out". Troye stayed silent, slightly nodding to shut her up. In the room, they did an ultrasound, Troye watched from afar in a chair in the corner of the beige room. After a little while of searching, the doctor gasped and smiled. "A beautiful baby boy", she said while pointing at the screen. Troye has no idea what he was looking at, but he took her word for it, a lump started to form in the back of his throat. But he swallowed it back down. He kept a straight face, as did Liz. And together they drove home in silence. Not a word.

———————
3am, Troye is intoxicated.

Jacob ☼ : How'd it go btw, gender?

Troye ☹ : He's a boy.

Jacob ☼ : Congratulations (:

Troye ☹ : This isn't a good thing. This isn't a fucking good thing. Don't fucking congratulate me!!

Jacob ☼ : You wanted a girl?

Troye ☹ : NO I DIDNT WANT TO KNOW THE GENDER.

Jacob ☼ : Troye you paid her to see what gender it is, yes you did.

Troye ☹ : I KNOW I DID. BUT ALL IT DID WAS MAKE ME MORE ATTACHED TO THE THING AND SHES NOT EVEN KEEPING THE FUCKING BABY. HE'S GONNA GROW UP THINKING WE ABANDONED HIM BUT I DIDN'T. I WANT HIM. I WANT TO RAISE HIM.

Jacob ☼ : Holy shit I'm so sorry.
Jacob ☼ : I don't know what to say, I'm sorry.

Troye ☹ : Don't apologize. I'm sorry for telling you how I feel. Please forget about this.

Jacob ☼ : Troye your feelings are valid, its okay. I'm here to listen.

Troye ☹ : Don't tell me that. Having feelings makes me weak. They make me less of a man.

Jacob ☼ : The only thing that makes you less of a man is not admitting your feelings. You have a baby. Are you gonna let another man raise your kid?

Troye ☹ : Shut the fuck up Jacob.