Jacobs never been the type to complain, or even be negative at all. At the age of 12 his mom was killed in a car accident and his dad took his own life shortly after. He's been on his own ever since. He lives with his granny who he's cared for ever since the accident. Despite his parents dying, he's had it pretty easy. He has a healthy mindset for the most part, he spreads love and positivity, and he's open about who he is.
Jacobs easily disappointed and let down though. His whole life he's been taught to be a giver; give people happiness and love. Give them a helping hand when needed. No matter what they decide or don't decide to give you in return. Jacob has spent his whole life caring for people, it's starting to get exhausting. He's starting to lose himself while helping other people find themselves. There's days where he thinks he can't do it anymore.
Being a model means he has to keep his face and body pretty. Pretty, as in society's view of pretty. He has to keep his figure, toned body, sharp jaw line, perfect curls. And that's overwhelming to him. He's a teenager. He wants to go out and ruin his reputation and dye his hair and get piercings. He wants to be a teenager. But he also wants to live his dream. He doesn't know how to handle it.
But he feels selfish when he feels bad about this. He knows there are bigger problems in the world, like Troye being a father to a baby that the Mother doesn't want. He wants to help the poor boy but he doesn't know how to do it.
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Troye ☹ : I'm sorry about last night, again. You were right about everything.
Jacob ☼ : Its okay I just want to be able to help you. You aren't allowing me to help.
Troye ☹ : I don't think you'd be able to help. I'm a lost cause.
Jacob ☼ : Sometimes the only person who can help you, is yourself.
Troye ☹ : How do I help myself. I've dug myself into such a hole.
Jacob ☼ : What don't you like about yourself, Troye?
Troye ☹ : I smoke too much. I want to be content while sober... like you said in the past.
Jacob ☼ : How much do you smoke a day?
Troye ☹ : Probably like 3-5 blunts a day. Maybe more depending.
Jacob ☼ : So tomorrow, only smoke 3. Make that your goal. Does smoking make you feel anything other than content? Does it bring up any bad feelings?
Troye ☹ : Makes me feel useless. Like a slug. My pops tells me I'm a pussy if I have emotions, and weed makes me numb. When I'm sober I have too much consciousness to have an empty mind. Troye ☹ : I almost miss being emotional, even though I've never been. Its like my body is aching for emotions.
Jacob ☼ : It breaks my heart that your dad says that. Will you try to only smoke 3 times tomorrow? And then in a few days only 2? Ween yourself off of it until you're content and not mean.
Troye ☹ : I'm going to try Jacob, thank you. Troye ☹ : I'm taking advice from someone who I have no idea what they look like. Send me pics.
Jacob ☼ : Modeling pic or selfie?
Troye ☹ : One of each, make them dramatic though. I gotta see what I'm getting myself into Troye ☹ : ....modeling wise.
Jacob ☼ : Gotcha!
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Jacob ☼ : The best version of me, and the not so best.
