The Anatomy Of A Fall

bargain

I'm sitting cross legged on neatly trimmed grass, my eyelids half closed and my skin, flushed red as I bask in the warmth of the sun in all its ultraviolet glory and lulled by the faint burbles of a faraway waterfall.

I sigh. These days all I do is attempt to dispel the bad thoughts away to the best of my abilities. They're like barbarous demons whispering blasphemy in my head, desperate attempts at finding my weak spot and claw their way through me with razor-sharp dirt filled fingernails, although I'm quite sure any sort of such vile is prohibited here.

I'm torn apart. I rub my forehead, grimacing a little at the intervened happy thoughts like iron in my mouth.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm the only saint around here who has to do this much thinking.

I've decided I will not let this go though, for I hold these thoughts dear to my heart as they are the only sort of belongings I actually ever really have. They are the only verfication, pieces of evidence, that I'm not just some ornament, considering if these perceptions were truly planted into my mind by none other than the Almighty Himself, surely I was intended to be something furthermore than just to adore this already celestial place.
Right?

My eyes open, hesitantly but gradually. I'm staring vacantly in the face of the sun just metres away from the tip of my nose, unintimidated and unflinching. The Sun here is unlike anything anywhere. It's temperate and mellow like honey in my mouth lukewarm, like chambré white wine*.
I reckon this is what being cuddled in the arms of a mother must feel like.

Like a shot, my jaw begin to tighten, a fire burning in my lungs. My heartbeat begins to quicken, so that I was afraid I would go into cardiac arrest. I hopped on both my feet, a bat out of hell. "What is this?" I say, voice tremulous from the sudden spur of adrenaline, followed by an unfathomable bloodcurling scream from deep within that enforced itself out of my throat.

Or at least, what I intended it to be.

It was an unforeseen outrage, a never before felt emotion on my account.
I couldn't let it all out, all that ran untamed through my head and broke free ferocious and starving for more, while I was still stunned by the things I didn't know I had locked away like a circus freak in a cage.
I didn't have to.

And then I heard it. An immensely subtle voice in my brain, but clear cut quite like crystal.

Okay.