run over - ruel vandijk

• just you and me •

i don't sleep.
i can't sleep.
the memories of that night still haunt me.
if he would've just let me grab him, or if he could've held on longer.

the police are still trying to find his body. no luck. they keep coming to me to ask questions and i'm sick of it. i've told them everything i know but they still need more. but. i. don't. have. more.

so now i'm pretending i'm not home whenever they come and knock.

i'm sitting at my desk staring at my empty notebook.

owen found out about the incident and he's telling me that i should write my thoughts down, but i fear that if i start, i won't be able to stop.

i slam the notebook shut and throw it at the window in frustration. why.

that's all i won't to know: why.

why couldn't i save him.
why am i isolating myself from ruel.
why is no one finding anything.
why does no one care.
why does sam have to leave when i only just found him.

i stand up in anger and kick my chair. and my desk, and my bed, and my wardrobe and everything.

nothing matters.
i don't care anymore.

i curl up into a ball, in my trashed room and cry.

cry all the tears that wouldn't come out before.
cry all my anger, stress and sadness away.
cry all the countless days i had been missing sam and when i finally got him back he falls away so quickly.

just like that.

i just cry.

and i won't stop.

it reminds me of the night i met ruel.
how i couldn't stop.
wow that feels like yesterday but 10 thousand years ago at the same time.

i hear another knock at my door.

ugh probably the police or ruel again.

i don't bother wiping my tears away before heading down stairs and opening the front door but i was surprised to see ruels friend harrison.

"hi?" i almost laugh. ruel has really sent harrison to my place to what? say he's sorry? it's not his fault, gosh he needs to understand that.

"y/n, i know what your thinking: ruel has sent me to blah blah blah... but really i went here myself to tell you something. something very, important." his voice was stern and he didn't stutter, he didn't hesitate, he didn't comment on how stupid i look.

"okay, then tell me."

"it's ruel."

"dude i don't care, tell him i'm sorry too but i can't see him at the moment." i turn and try to close the door but harrison puts his hand on the door to stop me.

"this is not about ruel saying sorry." he practically yells but he's whispering, "ruel got into a fight with some older kids, he's taken a hit pretty bad, like his nose and ribs are broken or something-"

"what?!" i say as more tears escape my eyes.

he just nods.

"oh my god...i can't...it's all my fault, this whole time he was in pain, fighting for me or sam or-"

"y/n! shut up!" he's really yelling now.

"it's not your fault, these older guys where making fun of sam and he reacted. he's alright, he's in the hospital i can take you to see him if you'd like. ruel would really like that." he forces a smile.

and out of all my grief,
all my suffering,
all my stress,
and all my anger, i finally step out of my house.

"yes. i will go."

* * *

harrison drives me to the closest hospital which was half an hour away.
silly, i know.

we don't really know each other so we sat in silence.

once we get there we run in and go to the reception. we are greeted by a young lady who has a very welcoming smile on her face.

harrison asks for ruel and she tells us which room he's in.

i run up the stairs and find his room.
i place my hand on the door handle and shudder.

what if he hates me for what i did?
what if he won't want to be friends with me anymore?
what if he dies too?

i close my eyes as harrison awkwardly puts a hand on my back.

"i'm not great with comforting people, but it's going to be okay, he hasn't stopped talking about you." he smiles, "he really likes you y/n, he could never hate you."

i blush and smile at him, "thank you."

"oh i've already visited him, i'll wait out here by the way, however long you need i'll wait."

i'm still smiling, "thanks again harrison."

i turn back to the door and take a deep breath.
i push the it open and walk down the hall until i see ruels bed.

he was asleep so i sat down on a chair next to his bed.

i look at his bruised face and run my hand over his cuts. i don't know what i'm doing but this guy beat up a dude for sam and i'm so lucky to have ruel in my life.

i grab his hand and hold it like it's all i've got.
like how the world is not slowly dying.
like how i am not slowly dying.
like how we're all not slowly dying.

i hold his hand because that's all i have.

"it's just you and me now." i whisper to him.

i brush his hair out of his face and watch the monitor show his heart rate.
it's just under the normal beat but it's fine.

i kiss his forehead as i'm about to leave when i see his eyes flutter open.

"y/n..." he groans, "you came."

and then he smiles.
he smiles at me like i'm the only thing that gives him hope.

a/n:

thank you so much for 2k! <3