It's fucked up when you've been hurt or let down so many times you can say that your used to it. Isn't it. If only you knew who it was that would hold you when your sad. Cuddle, and kiss you.
But I will never have someone like that.
I'm just a fuck up. A mistake. I know I was.
Everyone says it. Everyone means it. I know it's true.
I don't belong in this world.
I'm just Ashton Irwin. Nobody will miss me. They won't and I know it.
Nobody will grieve when I die.
Except mom. But she is it.
And I choose not to get close with her. She's gonna leave me like everyone else. Whether its by choice, or if they are made. But they will leave me.
And let me sit there. Wondering what I did to deserve a life like this.
I'm in my hotel room. Wondering how I got here. With my blade in my hand. Examining my scars. Too old. Way too old.
I got up and went to the bathroom turning on bath water.
Stripping down and went in the water. Looking at the old scars on my thighs.
I took the blade and held it up to my thighs.
I sliced the blade across my thigh hard, but quick.
The blood was running down my legs now. I just watched it.
I remember when I was happy. When my dad loved me. He was my hero, my everything.
And now? He's disappointed in having me for a son.
I don't blame him. Look at me.
Ugly
Fat
Worthless
Nerd
Outcast
And gay
And that's not even it.
Now look at me. A fat kid, sitting in a bathtub with scars and cuts everywhere, and surrounded by my own blood.
I forgot what it feels like to be happy.
After more cuts I got out and rinsed off. Then drying.
I got my clothes and got my sweatshirt throwing them on.
I hopped in bed and went to sleep. Still not knowing I'm safe though. I never am.
~
When I woke up in the morning I got up and went to the lobby.
And I started walking to school.
When I was half way there I got a text.
I pulled out my phone and saw I got a text from Luke.
From Luke
'Im sorry. We both know school sucks. Meet me in the woods where we were yesterday'
To Luke
'Fine. Just bc I don't want to go to school'
I said walking to the woods.
~
When I got to the familiar woods I saw Luke leaned up against the tree connected to the tree house.
"Yay!! You're here!" He screamed running up to me.
"Aren't you hot?" He asked.
Yes
"No" I lied.
I followed him up to the tree house.
Then we both sat down looking at each other.
"I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I got mad at you. It's just I'm not used to it. People never care for m-" I was cut off by a soft pair of lips on mine.
************************
Here it is!!
Finally they kissed.
It's about time Luke!
But how will Ashton take the kiss?
