papercut love ➤ wolfstar au

29 ➤ getting better.

   When life gives you lemons, you either make lemonade, or you look at the lemons and try to find one hundred methods of peeling them without getting your eye attacked by their juice.

   There are people who, at night, put their phones on the nightstand, place their heads on their pillows and fall right asleep. And there are people like Remus, who can't take their hands off their phones until 1 am or later, and once they shut their eyes and try to fall asleep, it takes them more than one hour to stop thinking about irrelevant stuff that makes them feel bad. 

   Overthinking is killing us. 

   If Remus was given one dollar for every single time he'd made up an entire scenario in his head, he'd be the richest man in the world. 

   But also, there are two other kinds of people in this world: the ones who whine about overthinking and headaches, and the ones that see overthinking as some kind of good thing.

   At first, Remus was the first kind of overthinker. The kind who would wake up with Gucci bags under his eyes, the kind who would drink more than seven cups of coffee per day only to keep his back straight and his eyes half-open. The kind of overthinker who you couldn't have a conversation with, because he wouldn't let words come out of his mouth.

   But after his mom died, things changed. 

   His overthinking started helping him see things another way. 

   One night, he opened a notebook he found inside the nightstand, and started writing down random words that would come to his mind. And then, he would try and make up sentences with those words in them, and then, he started writing short stories with those sentences in them. Not for a specific site, and not for a specific person to see, only for himself, because this time, he wanted to get better.

   He wanted to feel happy.

   He wanted to feel like his mother told him she felt when she gave birth to him, and held him in her arms for the first time.

   "I felt like... I was in Paris. Like it was summer and the sky was clear, yet there was a calming rain happening and it was getting my hair all curly and messed up." She chuckled. "And I am wearing this sweet-looking, silk dress... And I'm holding your father's hand and the two of us are young and running through a field of purple, pink and yellow flowers. That's the happiest I've ever felt."

   And Remus wants to feel like that. He wants to feel like he's on a constant walk through a field of flowers, and time is inexistent. 

   But this time, with no drugs.

   No acid, no weed, no vodka, nothing. This time, sober. Because staying three hours in the winter cold only to get your weed, and waking up sweaty because your mouth craves a pill isn't happiness. That's an addiction, and Remus can still control it. Because life isn't about being reckless, parties and having sex. Sex isn't that good anyways. Life is about being happy, having a purpose, having a reason. Wanting to have a reason, looking for a reason, having multiple reasons. 

   That's why, as summer fades away and the leaves are starting to fall on the streets of London, Remus decides to call his friends and invite them all to coffee. They've never done this together- never went to grab coffee, talk quietly and check out cute waiters.

   So, with his neck covered with a gray scarf and the signature beige jumper hugging his skinny abdomen, Remus makes his way through the crowded city and, instead of taking the Jubilee line to the city, he chooses to walk and look around. Weirdly enough, he hasn't done this once since he moved to England.

   People are wearing denim, coats and brown turtlenecks, businessmen are talking loudly on their phones and girls are looking for spare change to give to the homeless in their tiny Prada shoulder bags. 

   Once in a while, Remus would pass a group of red neck teenagers with hoodies and caps on their heads, swearing at each other and listening to American rap. He'd look at them and shake his head, not believing he used to be like that, too.

   And before having the chance to call his friends, Remus' phone rings and Sirius' name appears on the screen.

   "'Sup?" Remus can hear Sirius through the phone and an instant smile wraps around his dry lips.

   "I was just about to call you. Let's grab some coffee before school season starts, shall we?" The freckled one proposes, and then he feels Sirius' smile in his words.

   "Sure, wolfboy."

   And then Sirius and Remus meet together first, and only the two of them enter this coffee shop they never went to before and order a  £3 chocolate cappuccino each. 

   "You look good," Sirius lets the words come out of his mouth with ease, because it's the truth and he wants Remus to hear it. 

   Remus blushes, and looks down at the milky coffee-colored napkin next to his cappuccino. "Thanks, Sirius. You've never looked bad so I can't exactly give you a compliment."

   Sirius chuckles and grabs Remus hand from the other side of the table, looking at him as the eleven am sunshine is hitting his freckles in a way they never did before, giving him an angelic look. 

   "Hey, you call James and Lily, I already texted Peter and he's on his way here." Remus smiles a little and Sirius nods, calling Lily and telling her where to come. 

   After almost half an hour, all five of them are sat at the rectangular white table and are chatting about how their last high-school year went. Obviously, since Remus skipped almost half of that, he's not going to sign up for a University. 

   "Well, about that... I have some news..." Petter puts his milkshake down and looks at all four of them with his big eyes and long eyelashes. "I... Uh, I got into that polytechnic academy I was telling you about."

   "Mate, that's bloody incredible!" All four of them are cheering for their friend, especially James who is side-hugging his best friend and widely smiling. 

   "When are your classes starting? And where is it?" Lily asks, sipping from her white caramel frappe.

   "October, and it's right next to the KFC on Marylebone Road, why?"

   "Oh, nothing... I mean, I kind of got into that Arts college I was telling you about last year and I start in October as well." Coming as a surprise for everyone except James, they're all cheering for her now. 

   "That's so great, Lily!" Remus is hugging her, and she's burying her head into his neck, happy for herself, like everyone else.

   "And," she continues, "since this bad boy next to me got into Psychology, we'll be living together a few blocks away from where we are right now."

   And then they're cheering for James, who also got into the college he wanted to. Him and Lily will be still living in Mayfair, with Remus also, since he won't be leaving too soon for college.

   "What about you, Sirius? Don't you have a surprise for us, as well?" Remus rubs his shoulder and Sirius just shakes his head.

   "I don't think college is for me. I started working at that coffee shop next to Miss Shirley's library though." 

   None of them knew before now, so they all smile and cheer for him as well. 

   "And I'll still be working there so!" 

   And they all laugh at Remus' unfinished sentence, and from another one's perspective, you'd see five best friends sitting at a table, talking about their futures as if nothing was ever going bad.

   And it wasn't.

   Because there are moments in life when it doesn't go your way, and you don't get to buy those shoes or see that movie or get that thing done. But it doesn't mean your whole life has to be that way. It just means you have to move on, and, well, find a way out.