The clouds were dark that day; a deep shade of grey, filling the sky with the thick smell of rain and heavy winds that tore at you with anger. The air was chilly as winter retreated back to the world of the unknown, replaced with the rains of spring. And it was just like any other day of winter turning over to spring that is if you consider your life changing an average day.
People say your life can change with only one different thing happening. And that it changes significantly in one quick and easy motion. But that's not true. A significant change in your life takes time. Not just one second, one day, it takes time to build up and truly mean something.
Life is a series of unfortunate events, fallen hopes, and broken dreams. You can't expect a wish to make everything better. And no one can make things better for you. It's all up to who you are, what you want, and the things you do. People do crazy things. They wish on shooting stars, they dream when they're lost in the dark of their blank and empty minds, hope to God that someone will listen to their "suffering" and make them happier till' they want more again. But alas, stars are just fallen rocks that seem to shine as they fall, the dark that surrounds you is filled with the demons you can't escape, and hope is an endless cry of pain that you refuse to accept.
Hopes, dreams, and wishing on a falling rock, well they can't do much but keep you as you're barely hanging on.
And of course you can't rely on crazy dreams and false hopes to get you through. A single person who may be temporary in your life can't make your life forever better. But they can help you achieve you ultimate delusion of true happiness, but only in a limited time period because temporary people are not forever. They can't change your life into a fairytale; they can't defeat your demons for you. They can only walk into your life to simply walk out again when they are done with you. It happens. It happens to anyone and everyone.
You see, this is how it works.
1: You tell yourself that you'll never fall in love. I always swore to myself that I would never fall in love, ever.
2: You keep that promise locked in your heart even as you meet the guy, and unwillingly fall for him. But still you keep your promise locked in your heart.
3: Suddenly he is all you think about, all you dream about, the only living breathing soul you long for. To put it simply, he becomes everything to you.
4: That promise you made to yourself that you wouldn't fall in love, well, it's gone. It's burned to ashes. It shattered to pieces when you gave him your heart.
5: Once you fall in love, there's no going back now. Even when you're world crashes and burns, you're still in love with him. Stuck in the empty void forever. Your heart still yearns for him, and only him.
Falling in love is a bad idea, because true love isn't real.
Those were my five steps to falling in love. Which is why I was 17, still a virgin, never had my first kiss, and never been in love. I know it's hard to believe, but it's the honest to God truth. I was a straight A, book loving, misunderstood loner. I didn't know the meaning of love, or even really believe in it. That's right I said it. I didn't believe in love or the mystery of love at first sight, fatal attractions, or how any of it worked. My life was getting mom and me through the day, passing my classes, and trying to keep myself in the world of sanity at the end of the day. It wasn't easy.
Nobody ever seems to truly understand the meaning of life. And I honestly think that the world is going to end. I mean, the way we live, it's sad. Pathetic really. My mom once told me that I was messed up. She said it in the most serious way. And it hurt. Who the hell tells their child that? My mom puts so much discredit to my father when she has hardly been a parent herself. I'm not saying that the whole world is going to end because people are human, and that the world will end because we're selfish and destructive. But the world is going to end because we don't have the heart to try and be civilized and act together as a sane nation to actually run an efficient life. I honestly think that the world is scared to be real for a change and not act like we have the capability to do great things and make a world worth remembering. I know it doesn't make sense, but so many parents neglect their children, force them to become dependent and then one day step in and keep them from learning the way the world truly is. Not once have I ever been proud to say that I know who my mother truly is. Not once. Hell, my mother isn't even someone I can say I know anymore. It's sad that one man, one affair, one divorce can rip a family apart and scar a child so much, as it has scared me. I'm caught in the middle of a war raged in the great depression that I have become. My parents tear me apart with their lies and hatred toward each other. And that's what the world does. It kills you. It forces you to be what everyone else deems fit for you to be.
