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Dear darling

Dear darling,

please excuse my writing. 

I can't stop my hands from shaking 

'Cause I'm cold and alone tonight. (Dear darling - Olly Murs)

Time passed without me realizing the season has changed. Suddenly there is this chill in the air, the sun does not stay for long to warm me in its golden rays. Suddenly I find myself wandering in this vast emptiness inside my mind. No longer attached to you, no longer able to reach out to you. I cannot stop myself from reminiscing, but I cannot stop myself from going forward.

I cannot stay, yet I cannot stop looking back.

Someday I might have to pay for this; walking forward while looking back, ignoring all the dangers in front of me if I am not careful. I wonder if this is my way of being self-destructive?

The other day I found some old projects that were meant for our anniversary, they stretched back a few years. I wonder why I never did finish them. In this instance, it felt foreboding; as I will never have the chance to finish it. Not for us.

I gave us an ending, an ending that you do not have a choice but to accept. But I blame you, I blame me too. I enabled you to take me for granted, and you were not present to recognize my fatigue. I wished for another ending. But...

It was short, it was sweet, we tried. 

I tried.