Power Play

Chapter 2: Ryan

Chapter 2: Ryan

"It's so hard, Anne," Ryan Lydon whispered the words as he laid a single rose on top of the headstone of the grave in front of him. "Managing without you is... So hard. This world I've been thrust into is a terrible place. And I don't want any of it without you. I've been spending the last few days just trying to steel my resolve enough to take my own life and join you. But every time I keep getting the feeling like... You wouldn't want me to die, especially not by my own hand. You'd want me to live. But I don't know if I have the strength. I know I have the courage to kill myself, but I don't know if I have the courage to live without you."

Ryan just sighed, bowing his head, the memories of everything that had happened since her death passing through his head. He'd found her killer, had enacted revenge upon him. He'd thought that would be the end of him, that he would in turn be killed in retribution. But here he was, alive and well, because at the last moment people he didn't even know had intervened to save him. And now each day seemed to pass with him feeling even more lost and lonely than the day before.

"And it's not just trying to survive without you, which is difficult enough by itself. I'm scared you know?" he finally went on, still whispering even though there was no one around that could have heard him had he spoken louder. "I'm scared of what I might become in this world. I've seen what it's people are like, and heard how much worse still they can be. I don't want to become like them. I don't want to become someone that... You would be ashamed of," Ryan paused, his voice catching. "I still love you, as much now as ever. And I want to stay someone worthy of your love. I think even if I were to kill myself, you'd still love me, but I don't know if you'd ever truly forgive me for it. But if I don't, would you even be able to love what I might become?

"Several times the past few days I kept having fantasies that... Well, when everything about this world and what I am now was explained to me, I was told about a place called the Shadowlands, where people go when they die. If that's true then... That must be where you are now. And I kept fantasizing that I might find a way into that world even without dying, and that once there I could find my way to you and... We could be together again. From everything I heard about that world that's probably impossible. And I'd probably never even manage to reach there in the first place but, wouldn't that be the best solution? I could find you, and be with you, without having to be scared that you wouldn't like what I'd done, or what I'd become. We could just be together again. That's what I want most, and that desire is what led me to finally make a decision.

"I'm going to live, for now," Ryan whispered, just closing his eyes and laying his hands gently on the headstone. "I'll take it day by day. Try to get closer to the others, especially Erik Weathers, the one who explained everything to me. I'll try to draw it out of them over time, in bits and pieces, everything they know about the Shadowlands. I'll try to put together a way to not only get there, but to somehow find you when I do. I don't know how long it might take me, or really if it's even possible at all. And if it is, I don't know if I have the strength to last long enough to find the way. But I'm going to try. So wait for me. I love you Anne. I'll never stop thinking about you. Wait for me."

After that Ryan fell silent. It must've been several minutes later when he finally opened his eyes and pulled his hands away from the headstone, rising to his feet and turning to walk back towards the cemetery's parking lot.

He'd nearly reached it when he saw the man standing by his car, waiting for him. For a split second he considered running, and at the speeds he was capable of now he knew he could vanish before the man had a chance to see him. But he also knew that he'd have to come back for the car eventually, and the man knew that too. The man would probably wait there for him for awhile, and if that didn't work the man would probably just try to find some other way to force a confrontation. With a sigh Ryan continued walking towards the car. Might as well get this over with now.