Choosing Love

2. Severus

I get up each day looking myself with self loath in the mirror.

I hate me. Why did Potter saved me ? Couldn't he just let me there to die...

And now, I have to go back at Hogwarts, because Albus asked me to and I still cannot deny him anything. He is right. We need to support all students. I don't want to go back, but I feel compelled to. Again, I kinda feel good deep inside for returning back to teaching, although I teach dunderheads... Ah what is WRONG with ME ?

I wish I were more normal some times... If I were normal, I would probable have a wife and a couple of children waking me up early in the morning with hugs and kisses.

Who am I try to fool? No one would look up to me, unless she needs something from me.

Like the hookers...

I am 38 yet I have never made real love to any woman.

I keep wondering how good it would feel to actually sleep with a woman that matters to me and I matter to her.

Who would be willing to hug my tight and fall asleep in my arms.

Who would stand living her life with me, waking up by my side and enjoy a coffee with me.

Ah Snape, you are a FOOL. A big ugly fool...

I undress and go to the bathroom for a quick shower before leaving for Diagon Alley.

When I finish, I take a few moments to stare at my body in the mirror.

If I didn't have so many scars, I would like my body. I am quite muscular but not too much. My shoulders are broad... my legs are well shaped, as is my butt... but my equipment is gorgeous. All the ladies loved those parts of mine.

I like it too when I touch it... I smirk at my image.

I put on my black suit, with black shoes and of course my black cloak... only half of my white collar shirt is visible. Thank Merlin, my hair is not as oily as in the past.

I look good but I don't like me.

I need to go shopping for Potions supplies and then off to Hogwarts.

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I have selected many ingredients and even more utensils. The store is so dark that it is very difficult to examine closely whatever you wish to buy.

Suddenly I feel a small weight on my back.

I speak up a nasty remark and then I hear a kind but strong willed apology from a female voice.

I look slightly down and find my self in front of the most stunning female face I have ever seen.

She is tall, elegant and very very beautiful. She seems well educated, judging from her apology and her tone. I already feel bad for my nasty remark. I just curt and allow her to pass.

She shops Hogwarts supplies. Unfortunately, this year the School couldn't afford high end raw materials for the seventh years potions, so they had to buy them themselves.

I stand by to see if she will have enough money to pay for them. They are very expensive. If she can't afford them, I will definitely help out.

She will be my student, as it seems. One of the new additions, coming from other schools.

My thoughs stop when she turns to leave and looks at me with a warm apologetic smile before closing the door behind her.

I stand there, dumbfounded... what an extraordinary presence that girl was.