You Think I Wanted This? - Drarry

19. i guess we really are just friends now

"Love, you're being a bit too obvious that you're waiting for someone to walk through the common room door..." Pansy said to Draco as they were sitting in front of the fireplace. Draco knew this, and, quite honestly? He didn't care. These two weeks without Harry have been terrible. Yes, he wrote to him and Harry wrote back, but it just wasn't the same as being able to hold him... to kiss him. Was he being dramatic? Definitely, but he didn't care. He just wanted to see Harry. I'm in love with him Pansy don't you get that? 

"I know... I don't care. I need to see him. He's like... I just..."

"You just are in love with him and refuse to tell him." Pansy finished for him.

"I-I'm not..." Draco said weakly. " Just...Pans, we've been over this. If I tell him... that I feel... stronger than he does... it changes everything. It ruins everything. After we leave Hogwarts, I'll be heartbroken and cry for a few months and I'll be fine." Draco said. It was only partly a lie. Mainly because he knew there'd be no getting over Harry. How can anyone even come close?

"Draco, c'mon you're killing yourself. Don't you realize that the longer you let this go on without being honest the worse you'll get hurt?" There was a look of desperation in Pansy's eyes. Perhaps a please you're my best friend and I can't stand to see you like this... and he knew Pansy was right. But he was too weak to stop seeing Harry... he couldn't be the one to end it.

Suddenly the common room door opened, and he saw him. Draco's breath caught in his throat as he made eye contact with Harry. The man he had long awaited to see for the two weeks he's been gone... and he just completed ignored him and walked past him without so much as a second glance?

"Harry!" Draco called. Harry turned and looked at Draco with a very odd expression. "Hi Draco... I-um. We need to talk. Can we go somewhere alone?" Draco felt like he was going to be sick. No no no no, I thought I had until we left Hogwarts...I thought I had more time.

They made there way up to Harry's dorm alone and sat down on his bed. "Harry what's going on? You're making me a bit nervous."

"I... I don't think we should see each other anymore." Harry said, looking down at his lap. On the inside Draco was screaming NO NO NO WHY!? Why would you do this to me? I love you! I'm in love with you! Don't you get that? WHY!?

But, on the outside he stayed calm... as calm as he could... and simply said, "Oh... why?"

"I think we have completely different feelings for each other and I don't want either of us to get hurt and this is killing me but I have thought a lot about it and I think it's in the best interest for both of us if we end this now." Harry said in one breath.

Draco felt tears prickling at his eyes, but he would not cry in front of Harry. Not now. So, Harry knew Draco was in love with him and he didn't want to continue because of it... how did he figure it out? He thought that he played it off as just sexual attraction, but it didn't work the way he thought, obviously.

"Oh." Was all Draco could bring himself to say.

"I'm sorry. But I do want us to still be friends." Ah... the dreaded F word. Friends? How could he be friends with Harry after he had him the way he did? After he kissed his skin and kissed his lips and well... you know. Harry took his virginity for crying out loud! How could he know exactly how Harry kisses, how he tastes, and not be able to do anything about it? It would kill him.

But, not having Harry in his life at all would kill him more. And, because Draco didn't care how hurt he would be not having Harry the way he wanted him... because in whatever way Harry wanted him, that's what he'd be. He realized that when Harry suggested the friends with benefits, and he knows it now more than ever. Whatever Harry needs, he'll be.

"Of course. Don't be silly Potter. I wouldn't do that to you."

"Do what to me?" Harry asked, finally making eye contact with Draco.

"Deprive you of my friendship." Draco smirked, his signature Malfoy smirk attempting to hide the hurt he felt. Harry smiled a genuine smile at him that made Draco's heart jump. At least I can still have some small part of you, at least I can still make you smile.

.

Later that night, Draco was feeling sorry for himself and didn't go to dinner. He avoided everyone all day by hiding out in his and Blaise's room. He may or may not have locked Blaise out and kindly announced that if he unlocked the door Draco would attack him and asked him to sleep in Ginny's room tonight.

But, I guess after dinner Blaise didn't care anymore.

"I brought you dinner because I'm not letting you starve yourself. Here." Blaise said, handing him a plate full of food. Draco sat up in his bed and crossed his arms.

"I'm not hungry." Draco pouted, but as if on cue, his stomach growled loudly. Blaise just smirked at him.

"Fine... thank you." Draco grumbled.

"You're welcome. Now are you going to tell me why you've locked yourself in here all day feeling sorry for yourself?"

"I-just... I'm not feeling well."

"Bullshit. What happened with Potter?" Blaise asked.

"Wh-why... why would you just assume it had something to do with Harry?" Draco asked, feeling small. Was he that obvious?

"Does it have something to do with Potter?"

"... Yes..."

"Well, then I'm right." Blaise sat down next to Draco on his bed. "What happened Dray?" Draco looked up at Blaise a bit surprised. He hasn't used that nickname in years.

"Harry said he wanted to stop seeing me." Draco said, trying to keep his cool. "He said that he thinks we have very different feelings for each other and that it would be in both of our best interests if we stopped it now. I just... I don't know what to do, Blaise. I love him. I'm in love with him." He couldn't hold in the tears anymore and he broke down and cried into Blaise's chest. "What do I do?" he asked in a choked sob.

Blaise held him with both his arms. "I don't know Dray. I do know that Harry is not the world. You're still you without him in it. And I know it's terrible right now and you feel like you'll never feel happy again. But I promise you that you won't feel like this forever." Draco just cried more, and Blaise let him.

A few minutes later Draco had calmed down,but he was still resting his head against Blaise's chest. "I'm so sorry if this is how I made you feel Blaise." Draco said.

Blaise squeezed him tighter. "I'm not. You know why? I found Ginny and she's everything to me. I loved you, and I still do but in a very different way. I was hurt, and I felt terrible but I am so happy now with Ginny. Maybe this is what you needed to finally get over this 8 year crush on Potter. I love you Draco, I can't stand to see you like this. I know that everything's going to be ok."

"How? How do you know that?"

"I just do. Life balances itself out. Something incredible will come from this heartbreak, I just know it." Draco didn't know what to say to that, so he just hugged Blaise tighter until they both fell asleep like that, in each other's arms. 

don't hate harry! 

xx liv