excerpts of my feelings.

one year/two months/twentyeight days

i saw you for the first time in a long time.
your hair was longer
your eyes looked sad and tired
your acne had cleared up,
i remember you always hated it.
you were still handsome
and i know you're aware of it.
you were still mysterious
it made me want to know you all over again.
those five seconds of eye contact
filled the air with such a thick tension.
it had been
one year
two months
and twenty-eight days
since our eyes had met
but it all came back
the way your hand felt in mine
the way your fingers were always calloused
from the drum rehearsal you had.
the way you'd kiss me
like your entire life depended on it
the way you'd pretend to be surprised
when you woke up with your arms around me.
the way you never called me by my name
so you had your list of names for me.
the way you told me you'd marry me
when i began to get scared.
the way you'd call just to tell me
you love me because i hadn't heard it lately.

but then the rest came back too.

the way i would cry outside at 3 am
because i didn't want to wake my family.
the way you'd post pictures with her
and tell me you love me right after.
the way lies flowed from your lips
so effortlessly that it was beautiful.
the way you would kiss me
when i knew you'd just kissed her too.
the way you said we could still be friends
when i told you we were done.
the way you played victim
when i told you we couldn't.
the way you never gave an apology.
the way i never heard from you again.
the way you had no regrets about what you did.

i remember it all
but when i saw you for the first time in
one year
two months
and twenty-eight days
all i wanted to do was go back.