excerpts of my feelings.

i saw you today.

i saw you today.

i haven't seen you in a long time.

the feeling of my eyes meeting yours

is a nostalgic one.

i could feel the anxiety build in my chest

just like the good old days.

i could feel my hands begin to shake

and my palms begin to sweat

just like the good old days.

i could feel the familiar feeling

of shame and guilt

just like the good old days.

i could feel the fear rise within me

just like the good old days.

it reminded me of when i'd be scared to see you

never knowing if you'd be angry or not

never knowing if you'd take advantage

of me again or not.

never knowing if i would need to make you better

and place your feelings ahead of my own.

i felt bad for you today.

i felt bad that you've missed me

i felt bad that you haven't been doing well

and the feeling i know all-too-well

of being responsible for someone else's feelings

came back to me 

as i breathed out any previous progress I've made

and breathed in the aura around you

that consists of devolvement,

of pain,

of depression,

of anger,

and anxiety.

and it took me back.

to 

june

23

2017

when my life revolved on its axis

because you couldn't take

"no"

for an answer.