The Tick Meets the Coupon Lady- The Tick Fanfiction

Part 4

11/4/19

The Tick Meets the Coupon Lady part 4

Arthur never felt comfortable alone with Janet and made it a habit to keep people between the two of them whenever they were in a group. He wasn't sure weather it was because she could snap his spine like a twig or that she would crush his self esteem as she did it.  She seemed to lack... delicacy.

"So turns out you can't hack it. It happens. I'm sure you'll make a fine dentist-"

"Accountant"

"Sure, anyways upwards and upwards. No use crying over spilled milk right?"

"Right," he said sipping his coffee. It was too hot.

"So! The Tick! Yeah, I wondered where that guy wandered off to when he wasn't on the street. So you keep him locked in your apartment until it's time to head back out."

"He has a key."

"I have a hard time imagining him using it really."

"Well... there's been a lot of damage to the windows and drywall."

"Ha!" she snorted scalding hot coffee out of her nose, "I bet the lunk just rams right through the wall."

"Yeah, it'll be a problem when winter sets in but... that's not really why we're here. We're not going to be in the apartment when winter sets in. We need to find a place for him. Without me," he said uneasily.

"I'm sure he'll be fine. And yeah, there's a place for homeless superheroes. We keep them under the Super League Tower in the basement. It's not ritzy by any means but it's three meals a day and hot showers."

"Do they serve cereal in the morning?"

"Well duh, and oatmeal and stuff. He'll have food so relax. Jeez, you'd think you were giving away a puppy. He's a grown man. He'll figure things out like you figured things out."

"But... what kind of... Do they have visiting hours?"

"Hmm, that's a toughie. I'm not sure, secret identities being a thing and all. Not everyone is as open as you are you know."

"Yeah, I know," Arthur replied.

"Maybe they'll make an exception for former superheroes. The paperwork is bound to be a pain in the-"

"I don't mind paperwork if it comes down to that. I just need to see the place for myself."

"Sure, hop in your bunny suit and I'm sure they'll let you take a tour or something."

"It's a moth suit. And yes I'll do that now actually. Thank you Janet, you've been a great help. Really."

"No problemo. Just..."

"What?"

"...don't get yourself killed trying to prove you really can be a hero or something. You're probably doing the right thing here."

"Probably?"

"Yeah."

"Well, thank you," he said getting up.

"Why?"

"For at least having a little bit of doubt."

"Yeah sure," she said, "You gonna finish your coffee?"

"No. It was always too hot."

**********

The Super League Tower was an imposing and iridescent structure, made out of alien alloy that glowed and sparkled. The City had to smooth things over with air traffic control since the tower served as too much of a distraction to incoming flights. So the tower was moved, subbasements and all, twenty miles east by the hillsides. But there it stood! A beacon of hope and light for all who believed that justice will ultimately prevail. And really needed a place to stay. Arthur hoped Lady Liberty was right about allowing for tours. He still didn't feel right about leaving the Tick in a strange place.

"Hello, my name's Arthur. I was told they housed Superheroes in the basement and was wondering how I could go about signing up."

"Oh you poor dear, falling on hard times are we?" said a pleasant older woman with an unlikely shade of red to her beehive hairdo, "Well, as it happens we do have some space. We always have some space really, we have a wizard on staff that just 'poof!' adds another floor whenever we need it. So lots of room really. Bit of a journey to get to the bottom though, I gave to say."

"Would it be possible for me to sign up for a tour or something before I start on the paperwork."

"Well of course dearie, you just walk right this way and follow me. Oh don't mind the desk, the new girl is coming to replace me in twenty minutes. It'll be fine. Come along! I'm Agatha."

"Thank you!" he said anxiously, wondering if it really was alright.

"Now you follow the yellow line, like the yellow brick road home, isn't that nice? Not the orange line, that's the training room. And not the red line, that's the deployment zone."

"Deployment zone?"

"To the City dearie. To do your daring do!"

"I think my friend is going to like the red line."

"Oh you have a little friend! Is he here? Is he in your head? Is he in cyberspace?"

"You've been at this job a while haven't you?"

"Yes well, I never stop finding surprises when I come in to work. Always a new adventure."

"I'll bet. Hey did you ever want to be a superhero yourself."

"Oh! Lordy no! All that danger! That's too much for an old heart like mine. No, no, no. Now follow the yellow line dear and you'll first see the cafeteria. Breakfast is from 6 am to 9 am sharp. Lunch is 11 am to 2 pm. And dinner is 4 pm to 7 pm. Snacks are limited to fruits and vegetables."

A creeping sense of dread began to pull at Arthur.

"What sort of cereal to they have for breakfast?"

"Oh, the usual. Corn flakes, shredded wheat, oatmeal. Why do you ask?"

"Can visitors bring cereal in?"

"Oh dear, security measures and all that. You can't be too careful."

"Can, can people order different types of cereal?"

"I don't see why not."

Arthur let out an enormous sigh of relief. There was no way he could leave Tick in a place where he couldn't get his morning bowl of over sugared cereal. It was part of his daily routines and Arthur wanted that much to stay the same for him at least. There was going to be a lot of changes over the next few weeks and he wasn't sure how much the Tick was really understanding but at least this much would stay the same.

"Please, Agatha, lead the way. I'd love to see more of the place."