Not everything is good in all the words i left unsaid, because if they are left unsaid, maybe it's for a reason, right?
But i promised you i would be honest, and i plan on keeping that promise.
I wrote this in november, and i talked about it a bit with you, but it was not enough, i never say everything. So i decided to show you the whole text.
"I've been trying to make you happy in all the ways I'm able to, and the ways I'm not able to too. I guess I'm afraid of losing you. I keep in my head that i need to be the perfect girlfriend, and i know I'm not. I have a reluctance in asking people for things, a big one. I'm not able to ask you anything yet, i hope I'm able to learn how to do that with you in time, because i can already feel my light going away from you, i can already feel you stopping loving me.
I mean, that's okay, that is really okay. That's normal. I realized everything i touch, rots, but it's not instantly, it takes time. I'm like a supernova. I'm beautiful and keep everyone's attention for a short time, but then i turn into a black hole.
Them everything around me rots.
I hate that I'm like this, i hate me. I hate that i know this is going to happen with you too.
I tried to believe people don't really get touched by my actions, so i wouldn't feel so guilty for being me, but it didn't work. My sister gets really touched. My mother. My friend. You.
I don't know what to do. I can't change that. I tried so hard to change that i got depression, now i can't get rid of it. I don't know what else to do.
And everyone around me thinks i don't care. They think I'm doing a fuck face. But it's not that. I'm just constantly in pain, angst, exhaustion, i just can't express what i feel well enough. I'm sorry."
YOU ARE READING
for all the words i left unsaid
Non-FictionOnce upon a time there was a boy that lived in my heart, he had said so many "i love you" and i, insecured and with my heart wrapped inside a box with too many keys, was not able to tell him back or show him how my i loved him. This is how i try to...
