Chosen.

Chosen. Chapter 34

Chapter THIRTY-FOUR

Autumn

It's my turn to lead the group and I still feel the lingering effects from the morning breakfast. I'm honestly super grateful for the extra energy boost! It was like the equivalent of having 10 cups of coffee back to back for me. Uhhh, without the added having to go poop part, that is! (Bless them for that!!)

I could tell the whole family's mood lifted afterwards too. I mean, Mom's little hug sesh almost broke me down, since, as a family, we're usually not the lovey-dovey types. Really, we're all more likely to cry over a sad movie than about real-life things. But I'm glad we started off Day 2 like that, instead of with a typical Barloc sibling fight.

Kyle's comment keeps replaying in my mind and still pisses me off, though! I was just pointing out the fact that you can go crazy down here, even if the 'all-powerful Kyle' refuses to accept defeat. It is a real possibility for each and every family to not make it, okay?? There are only 50 families that are actually getting Chosen in the end.....Hello!

"AAAaahhhhh!!!" I see something crawling out my peripheral vision with the goggles and instantly jerk to the left, which, of course, pulls the whole train behind me on the orange rope to the left too. I hear some cursing, and when I turn around I see that Heath actually lost his footing and fell down. I feel horrible for my distracted thoughts and involuntary body spasm, all the while silently blaming Kyle. "Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to! I thought I saw something and I just..."

Before I can finish, though, the all-powerful Kyle interrupts, "Alright, that's enough!! It's someone else's turn to be on leader duty, because obviously Autumn can't guide without giving us all whiplash! Sheezus!!"

"Shut-up, Kyle! It was an accident, okay?!" I stomp my foot down in frustration. He is being such a jerk to me today!

Dad reaches around in the dark and blindly helps Heath get back to his feet. When he turns back around, with the help of the goggles, I can see his Dad smile in the way that I've always loved. It makes you feel like he only sees you, even though I know he can't really see anything right now. "Lead on, Autumn. No harm done." To this, Kyle gives an exaggerated sigh, and I hear him mutter under his breath, "Lead us into a wall next, I bet."

I decide to ignore his snide little comment and continue on. I'm going to try my best not to be afraid, so I can make him eat his words later whenever we get out of here. 'Be brave, Autumn!' I mentally shake myself and try to walk more confidently as we make our way through a new area of the caves.

After a bit, my thoughts begin to drift again, and I reflect on how I've truly handled this a lot better than I first thought I would. I think I've sang every song I know the words to in my head....10 times, minimum. But, I figure if my mind is busy, I won't think about the engulfing darkness as much. It's definitely been a struggle, but I silently congratulate myself for facing my fears.

Those first few hours being led deeper and deeper in the underground caves and not being able to see my hands in front of my face was the worst. I didn't want to draw attention to myself, but I was close to an anxiety attack for real! It was hard to draw a full breath, and my palms were so sweaty that I could barely keep my grip on the rope. I felt the tears running down my cheeks, and I was this close to pushing the buttons on my wrist link...IT WAS AGONIZING!!!

And then something clicked inside me and I realized I was okay, that everything was okay, that I wasn't going to die and the blackness wouldn't kill me. Ever so slowly the tight ball in my stomach eased, and with each step I could breathe a little easier. The sirens in my head got quieter, and I could hear my family talking around me again. Honestly, that helped me the most, to concentrate on my family's conversations. It made me feel more normal, like I was just taking a night hike with everyone out on the mountain.....even though this is pretty much the opposite of normal.