This is Me

Something I Want to Say

I keep up with your story, "Things Unsaid." I've read the parts about me. I'm not angry about them. I understand the anger, and I'm sorry that I ever hurt and/or offended you. I want to apologize a million times, but I don't think it will heal the pain between us. If I'm being honest, some of it was a bit hypocritical of you, looking back at it now. But you know who you are and how you are, and I'm not mad.

We're both adults now. We graduated. We blew up at each other. I'm still hurt by that because I'm afraid you still mean some of the awful things you said. I just wanted to let you know that I don't mean what I said. You've said before in "Things Unsaid," "Please know that I do not mean all of the things I said. I'm a little heated right now." I really hope that's what happened during our conversation, too.

I want nothing but the best for you, and I hope you know that. It was nice to be able to see you on Monday night and not feel any anxiety or hatred toward you. It was nice to be able to be myself around you again. I hope college is going very well for you now that you've switched to online classes. You said it was easier for you, and I hope it is.

I hope your kid is doing well. Every time I see him on Instagram he is the cutest thing. I hope that you do the best you can for that kid, because he deserves the best. I'd like to see him again if you'd let me.

I'm glad we could sort of reconcile. It makes me really happy that I can see you around and maybe catch up, not as best friends or even friends anymore, but more as acquaintances, and I feel okay with that.

If you ever need anything, I will always be here for you. I can't let go of the feelings I've had toward you and the experiences we've had. You were the first really good friend I made going into high school. You were the first one I wanted to explore my sexuality with but couldn't because I was already in a relationship and I couldn't do that to my partner. I just can't let go of those experiences.

I've grown up since our falling out, and you took it better than I did, I think. Just know that I do not harbor any hate towards you, and I only wish the best for you. I'll still invite you to my wedding, and I'll be your maid of honor if you still need one. I just hope you feel the same.

I want to message all of this to you, but I don't want it to be weird. Maybe I'll grow some balls and send you the link anyway sometime today.

Ti Amo, SM - D