Rise Above This

Chapter 4

So, let's go back a tiny bit before all this grief. I was never really good with guys after Roman I just gave up for awhile.(A/N: I kinda gave up on guys, not entirely because everyone else had a guy but me so I was depressed because I'd see all the kids in school kissing or saying I love you or something like that. I got depressed because that was something I wanted, i needed. But it didnt not until I suffered through about 8 heartbreaks until I ultimately dropped out of School [more about that later] so during all that I was failing every single subject except music (I was my teachers favorite) i was so confused after my dad died, so theres that. During the summer of 2015 my grandpa died. So theres that too, and in the meantime I liked another guy that said she doesn't talk to me so, that didn't go well either )
High school years were very very difficult, this is when my depression really set in along with anxiety... sure there were a lot of guys I liked but I was always too afraid to ask them out...and for good reason. So it became the year of my first 9th grade year I had a crush on a guy that my friend liked too let's call him Wayne. I liked him so I tried to get into everything he was into, that didn't go so well I mean he like everything geek, I even dressed up for him with batman earrings and makeup once. I ended up writing him a letter saying how much I liked him and that didnt end well either he freaked out and he gave the note to my ex best friend she bit my head off. I went to a formal I guess is what it was called, I made my mom buy me a 100 and some odd dollar dress and a 20 dollar ticket to go to the stupid thing. I only stayed for an hour because my other friends encouraged me to dance with Wayne, but he was dancing with her so I walked out bawling because of all that crap. Then there was another one let's call him Bruce I told him I loved him and he told me it was too early to say that to him. Then there was let's call him Grayson. He liked me but he was with someone else so of course he was only like a big brother to me even though I felt different. Then there was  Michael this one, I really liked I did more than enough to show him I liked him, he was an up and coming country singer. So I thought because I wanted to be a singer this was my ticket to the big time music scene. No no it wasn't, I did everything I could to show him I liked him. From getting him a shot glass with his name on it, to getting him 4 lebats blue Ribbon glasses and giving him some of my dads hats, I really liked him but there was a few things that were in the way me only being 16 and some other things too. So after all this crap I went through only to find out he had someone who was pregnant with his kid. I wanted to kill myself, but this spiral was all caused by everything that was in my life at moment. So I thought I would never love anyone else because he ripped my heart out.(A/n: I saw him at Walmart one day and I told him that if he ever left "her" to keep me in mind. Yeah only to find out after one more heartbreak I found the one.) To be completely honest here there are still some things i cant be near or certain songs that i turn off when they come on i change because of him.(A/n:

if he ever reads this thank you for breaking me, He loves me more than you ever could or would, just know this I really liked you but you screwed me up. Maybe it was for the best because I found the guy that makes me happy, makes me smile, that makes me feel so loved. He may make me mad sometimes but that's ok because hes been there for me. The day I saw you at the store I was with him the one that helped me through everything, I'm glad you never came to my wedding. Ps.Your entire family knew that I liked you. Even your brother knew. But now his family loves me and I know some of your family still likes me. So thanks for breaking me and making me the strong woman I am now) Then there was Alfred, he said something about rabbit feed and I thought he was cute but after weeks and weeks of flirting with him we went to where he worked the dummy that worked there she said I was distracting him and again I wanted to die because I didnt think anyone would ever love me. Then I walk back into ged class one day and there he is.