Rise Above This

Chapter 5

A/n: thank yall so much for 39 reads already!! Its not worth killing yourself over a guy, you will find him eventually, I swear. Yall are so amazing I cant thank you enough.

Ok so let's go back to October of 2015
I dropped out because my mom found out she had lung cancer. So I took care of her for a while. And she made me go to ged classes the first time I only made one friend you know who you are (a:n hey girl hey) I ended up getting sick alot the first time around then in October of 2018 I went back (A/N: I never did like the teacher but that's not all, I had paperwork to do and a crap ton of homework both times around. See the teacher talked to me and told me I had to take time off, I did). I walked in and saw him I was so shy I had been hurt so many times before I thought it was the same this time around too. He was different I dived in head first. So I started dating my best friend in October of 2018 he said that he loved me over Facebook I'd had given him my number at ged class. We had started talking about hunting and fishing and things like that. I thought he was hot so I got up the courage and gave the number to him. We started hanging out. See I had been hurt by so many people before him that I was so scared it would happen again. I had finally called him I really didn't want to but we made plans to hang out that week I think. We walked to the library it was so cold that day. He told me that God had called him to the ministry and where he was going to go for college. I had walked back down to a convenience store I guess is what you could call it, we went inside laughing about something he told me that he wanted to marry me. Yea, I was floored I said ok but you are going to have to talk to my mom. We went out to eat at a local restaurant a few days later and he was talking about everything. He had invited us to the church he went.He was messaging me on the way down to church, I walked in found him, and grabbed his hand. My heart almost exploded I never thought I'd be here with someone like him. Anyway it was now Nov he had preached his first sermon I had gotten saved that day he was so proud. We had a Thanksgiving dinner he was making me go to after his sermon to eat. (A/N: this was from a book I was writing, I made this one instead)
Hes everything in my life, my heart, my love. I know he loves me so much  He is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I've waited forever for him, he acts just like my dad in every way I know he is the one for me. There is just something about him I just cant get enough of. Then there's the other times I just can't understand things. I sometimes understand but mind you hes my first everything. So I've never really been prepared for this whole I finally have a guy that loves me no matter what, So everything is brand new to me,  I'm trying to juggle that, depression and everything else, I'm physically drained and mentally (depression it sucks so bad). He asked me to marry him the day after Christmas I said yes (my engagement ring☝️) there are people who hate me. And that's ok because I'm good.

I've learned that my head is a dangerous place to be. Chester Bennington was right, it's so dangerous for you to be in your head because if you have depression and anxiety or hell any mental illness you make up scenarios and you never know what will happen, because if you were or have been suicidal and these scenarios are common and you sometimes want to act on them. It's not your fault though it's the way these stupid illnesses are. So when ever this happens to me I wish it didn't but here we are, I currently am not on my meds and it's bad sometimes because my anxiety is bad sometimes and other times it's my depression.
I'm learning that I'll be ok some day but it's a very dangerous place in my head