The Forbidden Children

Simon

November 5th, 8018

Tokophobia.

Thats the word I was raised with.

Thats the word I grew up with.

"Simon your mom has Tokophobia."

"Your mom just isn't here right now."

"She can't see you today, okay Simon?"

Tokophobia, the fear of childbirth.

Fear can be so deadly, It can destroy you mentally and physically. Trust me, I've witnessed it, and I think I could be experiencing it.

I am Simon Reyes. I am 18. I have straight shaggy black hair that gets in my eyes a lot. It's not like people will miss much though, they are just brown, like mud.

My father, Clayton Reyes, is a professional programmer for all the security systems. It's a great paying job that allows him to work from home which benefits my mom greatly. He's a studious and quiet man that never lets loose or has the tiniest bit of fun.

My life was full of educational lessons day after day. My dad would give me puzzles, but not the fun ones. Crosswords, word searches, paradoxes, similes, any literature devices you can think of. I used and labeled daily.

"Just because you shouldn't be here doesn't mean you can't make it worth it."

That one phrase, the only one he would say to me every time he saw me get frustrated at a word, or wanted to use the bathroom or get a snack. Any ounce of annoyance in my voice he would push his glasses down his nose, look at me, and say those 14 words that are now permanently in my brain.

Then there's my mom, who I barely remember what she looks like. She never got out of bed after giving birth to me. She has Tokophobia, and my whole life span has included both of my parents making sure I knew that.

Shortly after giving birth to my sister Kaitlynn Reyes, and my brother, Ryland Reyes, the life halting law was put in place.

My dad traveled everywhere making deals to buy protection and precautionary pills to prevent another child. They were a stickler for rules.

The universe seemed to have a way different plan for them than they imagined though since parenting two children turned into three only three years later.

The conflicts that comes with the announcement of a third child is first, there shouldn't be one, second you can't get a legal abortion without being found guilty of carrying a third child, and third the punishment if found is death for the whole family including other siblings even if they are out of the house.

My mom's ancestors were known for schizophrenia and dementia so when she found out she was pregnant with a third child she completely lost it.

Some days are good, she'll let me go in her room and hug her and tell her about my day. She won't reply or hug back or anything, but at least it looks like she's listening.

Then there are days where you hear glass shattering and pounding on the crimson white door that locks on the outside.

She wears diapers, and my dad hand feeds her. I can't help but feel guilty all the time and no one ever helped me feel better or reassured. Until I met Ralph.

Ralph, someone like me, someone forbidden.

One day I got a notification on my coded laptop I got from my dad. He said a good friend of his made them with his codes and cheats. They collaborated on computers for forbidden children. My dad, the one who has never shown me fatherly love, helped make a computer to make my life feel more normal.