ATEEZ One Shots (BxB) (SLOW UPDATES)

Let Me Care For You (SanHwa)

Pairing: San and Seonghwa (and for the purpose of the one shot, San is the top)

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: Mentions of past abuse and self harm

Scenario: In which Seonghwa is a Little and Hongjoong is the only one that knows. San and Seonghwa have been a couple for a little over five months now, and by some miracle Seonghwa has kept his Little side hidden from him, until the day he slips into Little Space during a fansign...

:::

The fansign was going so well; maybe a little too well. Seonghwa had woken up in one of the best moods, smiling and happy since the second he awoke. Naturally, he made breakfast for the others, had a bit of a cuddle with San and then off they went to the fansign with no troubles at all. That all changed a little ways into the fansign however. See, plushies were a positive trigger for his Little Space, but he could usually hold himself together so all the plushies he received from fans didn't cause him to slip.

It was only when Mingi started to baby the eldest hyung that Seonghwa slowly felt himself slipping. He started to panic somewhat, glancing over at Hongjoong who was sat next to Mingi. Hongjoong politely told Mingi to stop teasing Seonghwa, Mingi pouting and saying 'but he's so cute!' however, he did stop which made Seonghwa sigh in relief.

Although he could still feel himself slipping and he knew he had to hide it so he distracted himself by playing with the plushies he got from fans, smiling at all the Atiny there and acting cutely for pictures. When ATEEZ were all standing up and interacting with Atiny, Seonghwa was oddly quiet. San noticed this and wondered what was wrong so he walked over and wrapped his arms around Seonghwa who was hugging a Toothless plushie close to his chest.

The eldest hyung squeaked in surprise, tensing up when he realised it was San. He had, in fact, ended up slipping fully into Little Space, and he feared that if he said something, San would find out.

"Baby, what's wrong?" San asked, causing some Atiny in the crowd to 'awwe' at their interaction.

"N-n-nuffin" Seonghwa winced at how small his voice was.

San pouted, "come on babe, you've been so quiet. Talk to me?"

Seonghwa glances over at Hongjoong, who immediately knows what's up. The leader of ATEEZ sighs, walking over to San and Seonghwa.

"You want me to tell him bub?" Hongjoong asks.

Seonghwa hesitates but nods, knowing that he can't keep this a secret forever whereas San just looks confused.

"Tell me what?" San blinks.

Hongjoong leans in close to San, whispering so that the Atiny at the fansign didn't overhear him.

"Seonghwa is a Little. The reason why he's been so quiet is because he's currently in Little Space and he doesn't like going into Little Space in public" Hongjoong explains.

San frowns, nuzzling his face into Seonghwa's neck, "why didn't you tell me baby boy?"

"'cause I was scawed you would hate mwe" Seonghwa whispered back.

San sighs, glancing around at the Atiny who were there at the fansign. He suddenly wondered if this fansign was gonna last much longer.

"What awe yew lookin fow?" Seonghwa asked, his big doe eyes blinking at San.

The younger stopped himself from squealing at his boyfriend's cuteness, "I'm just...are you gonna be able to hold out until the end of the fansign bub? Do you need anything?" San was instantly worried about Seonghwa, and went into 'protective boyfriend' mode in a split second.

"I'll be otay, da-Sannie" Seonghwa quickly corrects himself.

San noticed this but doesn't say anything. For the next half an hour, Seonghwa managed to fake being in big space, however towards the end his Little side was really starting to show and the others except for Hongjoong and San started to get suspicious.

The second they began to head back towards the cars to go back to the dorms, Seonghwa was clinging onto San like a lifeline the entire time, holding a smallish Toothless plushie to his chest. He dared not speak to anyone except occasionally whisper to San. The younger was still confused as to why Seonghwa didn't tell him that he was a Little, but he was sure he'd find out soon enough.

"S-so, awe yew sure yew don' hate mwe?" Seonghwa mumbles to San as the two sit alone in the living room, Seonghwa cuddled up against San with the younger rubbing Seonghwa's arm comfortingly.

"Of course I don't hate you baby boy" San mumbles, "I'm just wondering why you wouldn't tell me earlier, that's all"

Suddenly, Seonghwa pulls away from San and is completely silent. Confused and a little worried, San asks what was wrong but the older simply shakes his head. After a few deep breaths in and out, Seonghwa manages to pull himself out of Little Space so he can explain himself.

"I didn't tell you anything..." Seonghwa sighs, "because my ex...when he found out...he abused me. Nothing sexual but he'd degrade me and say that he hated that side of me and he didn't want to understand or accept that side of me and" Seonghwa felt himself tearing up, "I remember forcing myself not to go into Little Space for months, which is really not the best thing to do and I...San, I nearly killed myself" Seonghwa sniffled, "I felt so dead; Little Space is how I deal with stress and bad memories, or sometimes I just slip into Little Space if there's a trigger nearby, like stuffies or people babying me like Mingi did at the fansign. So...yeah, that's basically it I guess"

San stares at Seonghwa, shocked. The eldest of ATEEZ was always making himself out to be the strongest one. He cared for all of them, especially Hongjoong since their least was always busy with making new music for the group, but it didn't seem like he had anyone caring for him.

"Do you...have someone caring for you when you're a Little?" San asks hesitantly.

"No. Hongjoong knows, but he doesn't exactly know how to care for a Little. I mainly just lock myself in the room and play with my stuffies or colour in or whatever" Seonghwa shrugs.

"Then let me care for you" San suddenly says.

Seonghwa looks at him, bewildered, "San, you have no idea how to-" "I can look stuff up. I kinda know what Little Space is so, it shouldn't be too hard" San smiles.

Seonghwa blinks at him, before he smiles widely and throws his arms around San in a hug, burying his face in San's neck. San wraps his arms around his boyfriend, returning the hug with a soft smile on his face.

"Thank you" Seonghwa sniffles.

"You're welcome baby" San chuckles.

At least now Seonghwa had someone who would care for him...

I have a problem with ending things weirdly, sorry :/