𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐍𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐍 𝐁𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐎𝐍 𝐄𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 ━ five hargreeves¹

8│EXPECTATION VS REALITY

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❛ ᴛʜᴇ ʙ. ʙ. ᴇꜰꜰᴇᴄᴛ​​​​​​​​​​. ❜ ° . ༄
- ͙۪۪˚   ▎❛ 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 ❜   ▎˚ ͙۪۪̥◌
»»————- ꒰ ᴇxᴘᴇᴄᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴠs ʀᴇᴀʟɪᴛʏ ꒱　


❝ I CAN'T BE A GUARDIAN
ANGEL IF I'M TEARING
MY FAMILY APART ❞

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A seventeen-year-old Alexa threw herself onto her bed without bothering to change out of her blood stained uniform. Her eyes were clouded with tears that refused to fall and her throat was tight with held-in sobs. It had been a mission gone wrong, one that shouldn't have happened. As the Umbrella Academy got older, rifts began to separate the members thanks to Reginald's A-plus parenting and it had reached a climax during the mission which resulted in another casualty. 

Ben, I'm sorry. It's my fault. All mine Alexa thought brokenly.

And she truly did see it as her fault; since Five's disappearance, she'd gotten closer to her brother who had eventually confided in her how he felt about the darkness of his powers— and today she'd let Luther push him past the breaking point. Alexa was supposed to protect her family. She should've stood up for him but she'd remained silent as their leader practically bullied Ben into using his powers. When the blonde closed her eyes, she could still see the monsters tearing her brother from within, his pained scream and the dull thump of his body as it fell ringing in her ears. Finally, she let out a loud sob and as if a dam had been broken, they wouldn't stop.

Klaus had recently— in his moments when he wasn't so high— chalked Ben's seemingly growing darkness up to the teenage boy's hormones but Alexa didn't think that alternate-dimension beings cared about human bodily functions. Her brother had been having trouble controlling his powers since he'd been a teen though, so maybe Klaus was actually on to something. They'd promised him that the three of them would figure it out together. 

That can't happen now, Alex thought as her mind grew fuzzy from her meltdown.

Her door creaked open and for a moment, she thought maybe it was Klaus but by now he'd probably be passed out as Ben had always been worried about. Besides, she'd killed his best friend. Why would he want to come see her? Instead, the figure of an older woman with blonde hair appeared in the doorway before she moved closer to the girl she viewed as her daughter.

Glancing up for a moment to see her mother, Alexa felt another wash of guilt overcome her. 

I just killed her son, she thought miserably. But, the woman had a gentle smile on her face; there wasn't an ounce of hatred like the teen thought there would be.

Looking towards the robotic woman again, Alexa sniffled and choked out, "why are you here?"

Frowning slightly, Grace replied, "you're upset, dear." Then, she tilted her head slightly and asked, "do you want me to leave?"

The younger blonde shook her head even though she knew it was selfish to want care from a person who'd just lost one of their children due to another one. As her mother gently sat on her bed and lifted her daughter's head into her lap, Alexa turned to face her. "You're supposed to hate me, Mom." A sob escaped after the last word.

The older woman gave her a soft look and Alexa could've sworn she was real. Her mother paused a moment before she spoke: "one of my children is upset and needs comfort. How could I hate you?"

A part of her wanted to answer snarkily that their father had programmed her that way but that was Five's response, not hers. Instead, she sniffed again and answered, "I killed your son, Mom."