キミノカオリ ー Moonlight, Wisteria Petals, and Thunderclap

Courage to Converse

 Do you normally act that way? I wondered before sleep and in the morning. We were acting like lovers just a few hours ago, then he suddenly starts dissing me just because I said some self-deprecating words? In my head, that didn't make sense. When I saw Tanjirou at breakfast, he still didn't talk to me. He didn't even look at me. I felt my appetite diminishing like a candlelight flickering in the face of strong wind.

"Zenitsuru, why aren't you as lively as usual? Did you eat a bug or something? You look like a seaweed."

"What the hell. That's not it, you moron! I'm just pretty tired from last night."

"I see." Unusually, Inosuke turned and proceeded to quietly finish his breakfast.

I sat there, Tanjirou sitting across me silently, but I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him. I was still angry at him, I realized. A million questions bubbled inside my mind, but I just left the table, saying:

"I want to rest a bit. Sorry, Kanao, Shinobu-san. I will be at my room."

Tanjirou, you're not even stopping me? As I climbed on and pushed my wheelchair away from the room, I counted numbers—seconds—until Tanjirou would stop me or call my name. But he didn't. Maybe he already hates me. After all, I hardly could believe him when he said he loved me. Maybe everything that happened between me and Tanjirou was my misunderstanding after all, an illusion.

The day passed by without much event. I focused on my recovery, doing some exercises that Shinobu-san taught me, and Tanjirou and Inosuke went on their usual trainings and missions to hunt demons. I still felt powerless, but not as much as before because I was continuing to move my body. Inosuke ate a mountain of rice balls that day, Tanjirou seemed as his usual self, and I was the only one struggling to keep my head up during dinner.

"Zenitsu-san, is something troubling you? You seem pale."

Shinobu-san asked me after dinner. "If something is troubling you, please tell me."

"I will, thank you."

"Is it related to Tanjirou-kun?"

"!!" I was so startled that I nearly jumped out the window. I felt penetrated, my innards—my thoughts and emotion—visible to her by some mental X-ray filter.

"I...."

"That makes sense."

Even before I replied, she passed me by in quick steps, in a blink, giving me a light tap at the top of my head. An unusual scent of wisteria rushed to my nose. What is this mysterious scent? Certainly not wisteria flowers... "It'll be okay to approach him. I think Tanjirou feels very sorry for you."

"How do you know that?"

"I know, because Kanao told me he didn't have any power in his swing of sword when he was training today. Which, as you know, is very unusual."

"Oh...."

I thought Tanjirou was being his usual self today. Maybe he was also struggling inside, about what happened between us today? I pondered. Then...

"Anyway, it'll be good to talk to him. You don't have to rush or anything, but just so you understand each other."

"Thank you, Shinobu-san...."

I felt like I'd cry. Her kind voice made me tear up. But, I can't always cry and hide in the corder, never talk to anyone. I'll go talk to Tanjirou—right now.