Josh
I'd never felt pain like this, I haven't slept in days, you know I never thought the day would come when I'd be organising my best friends funeral, let alone Harry's. It feels like the whole of London has just died, he was always the laughing spirit and he made every so much better, he knew how to cheer people up and I haven't had that for a while since he's been gone. If it had been someone else then Harry would be smiling to try make us feel better, hes good like that. You know he would have been a great father, he really knows how to deal with people and that's more than I can say for anyone I've ever met. He was a great man and I don't think I was ready for this. We wanted to do the funeral before we told the world because it seemed easier for us , so we could fully mourn properly without having to worry about people coming up to the funeral and taking a mockery of it.
°°°
The night was young, I stumbled my way down the stairs, exhausted yet didn't feel the need to sleep, no one had spoke to each other in days, but it felt like weeks. I slowly sipped at my cold water as it collided with my throat, soothing it gently. Staring at the wall blankly, I sighed. Dead, that was how my heart felt, dead and cold. I want to see him again, to know he's okay, that's the only way I can feel relief. The memories taunt me endlessly, leaving me broke inside. The stairs creak. It's probably Vik. We are all staying at the Sidemen house currently, we just think it's better for out health to be together. The door behind me slowly creaked open as a tired Simon walked into the kitchen. He jolted back as if he had seen a ghost, a ghost.
"What you doing up so early?" He teared some water into the glass
"I could ask the same for you" I mocked to him, very angerly.
"You know it's hard for all of us not just you" Simon continued to drink from his glass
Who the fuck did he think he was.
"It's hard for all of us, yes I'm sure it is but if you never came along and used Harry and made him feel so unworthy then maybe Harry would be here today Simon, did you ever think to take into consideration that part of this is your fault because you are so desperate for attention and money that you have to go and use people and then not even care for them anyway. Why didn't you just take Tobi in the first place, if he's all you ever wanted then why didn't you just have him huh?" I stood up flinging my chair backwards. He flinched.
"Because Tobi didn't have the money that I needed and Harry did" Simon shrugged it off his shoulder.
"Do you know how fucking pathetic you are, you ain't ever gonna experience love because when you love someone you'd give up anything-" I started to think about Harry when I said this. I missed him so badly "- and you'd drop everything you were doing to help them and you would be there to comfort then and you'd never make them look like a fool in public. That's what fucking love is but you got it all twisted Minter, got it all twisted. Now if you'd excuse me I'm going to bed because I have a super serious day tomorrow"
"What's happening tomorrow?" Simon asked seriously
I just shook my head in did belief. Heading to my room I felt my heart begin to ache. I stood still for a while clutched it. Then it stopped.
Time for another restless night
°°°
Waking up today was definitely the hardest thing I was to ever do, cause I knew what was coming.
I frolicked out of my bed , slowly wiping my tears from the night before. I looked in the mirror and for a split second I had swore I had seen harry smiling, but when I turned around he vanished like dust. Then I heard him whisper it's okay Josh, you've got this. I believe in you my guy. I felt reassured.
I slowly threw on my suit as I left my PJs in a pile on the floor.
The whole Sidemen house was quite, no one spoke any words and no one had a single smile on their faces.
°°°
" We are gathered here today to mourn the death of Harold Christopher George Lewis, we are very devastated to hear the news of his Death. We are also gathered to say our last goodbyes to Harry " the priest rambled on.
Why was he holding the service, he didn't know Harry on a personal level so why does he get the right to even began to feel sympathy and get to mourn.
" Joshua Bradley would you like to come up and say your speech for Harry?"
Everyone turned to me as I nodded my head. Standing up my knees wobbled, I began to walk slowly up the the alter holding back all the tears that were so ready to gush out of my eyes.
I took a deep breath and began to read from my paper.
Thank you all for coming to day to this service. You know Harry was a good person, he never got to have that many friends or good relationships.
I glared my eyes at Simon quickly and then looked back at the sheet
But he was the best person I've ever met, when I first met him he changed my life for the better, he really gave me a new perspective on life and it was a better perspective. I am currently going through a lot of pain so I can't even begin to imagine what his family is going through, I want you guys to know that I am going to help you through this hard time as you will help me too. Harry was gone too soon, only 22 , he had so much life ahead of him and so much potential but it's the little things that got to him, and little things cause stuff like this. Harry always had a positive view on life, always wanted to explore and make people happy and he always tried his hardest too. This boy meant the world to me and even though I know I'm not ready to give him up I have to because if I don't do it now I won't be able to do it ever.
I looked down at Harry's lifeless body and tears streamed down my face
Goodbye Harry.
