Inner Monologue

xxx

To,
My matured self.
November 10,2019,
I am again getting those thoughts. I find it so hard to get rid of the stones tied to my feet. I thought that those boulders were metamorphosed with my tears but they seemed to open up their mouths and store my tears in their big belly. It is so heavy now..... it's pulling me down the cliff into oblivion. My inner soul is crying and that monstrous boulder is eating up all my dark emotions. It's getting dominating nowadays. It was not much dominant a year back or two but an active consumer a three year back down the memory lane. And the pepper container which make me shed all those waters got an upgrade with more holes to pour its contents in me. It doesn't get that I can't handle all such things. I am done with it...
''I don't want to be someone where people put their hands into''. I don't know what to do. I don't feel clutching onto the helping hand and be pulled up. I like playing with the fire and I know how harmful it is as well as its side effects but I still love having it. And my fucking stupid self likes to kiss that helping hand but doesn't wish to let it's fingers penetrate my soul and help reproduce a stronger me. I know what that hand can do....but I am not interested;I know I should be,maybe I am. Maybe its the fault of the fire that distracts me. Or maybe it's my fault that I like the fire and leaps for it at times.
I guess it would be good to go with the monster down to oblivion. Maybe the pepper container and the salt container which left the pepper container years back and doesn't even care about me;maybe in some form both of these purifiers do need to know that probably they were never made for each other and I not for them. I don't deserve a place by them on the counter tops. Maybe my best place is in OBLIVION.

Pitter patter!Pitter patter!
Me:Oh this rain!so loud. The blowing wind is so damn cold that it sends shivers down my spine.
Pepper:Get up!study, how much more do you want to sleep.
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