Inner Monologue

xxx

I started to think I was invisible.
I started to think you only saw them who wore beautiful masks.
I started to act normal,my normal...being myself around you was foreign for me. I was scared that you would hate me.
But why was I scared???

You couldn't possibly hate someone you never noticed or did you??
NO YOU DIDN'T!!!

I need to keep repeating this to my conscience. They don't fucking get it. They don't.Those fucking conscience that starts when I see you, don't fucking understand that you have never looked twice in my direction.

I need to chant ''he doesn't like you bitch"whenever I feel high for crushing on you.

Why did I ever start liking you.
Why didn't you had a signboard over your countenance that would state you never wanted me. Maybe you never even saw me. Maybe I was that fucking huge mass that sloppily walked around and nobody ever
noticed.

Why me?
Why don't you like me?
...
....
.....
Maybe because you hate originals or you are scared to have one around you.
Maybe then your fakeness would be revealed.
Nobody would like you like before.
These are lies.
Everybody will like you...more specifically they will love you,fall for you,admire you,adore you.
Why don't you get that!??

What makes you so scared to accept me once?
Believe me;
I won't destroy you,
I won't distract you,
I won't reveal your secrets,
I won't ever dare to hurt you...I promise.

Please accept me fire. Please...

Just for once...for once
I wish to feel you against me
I wish to take in your fragrances
I wish to hold your hand
I wish to glide my hand over your soft curls.
I wish to hug you
I wish to have you

I WISH
I WISH...but you don't.

N.a.i.v.e.

How naive I had been?
Not able to understand that stars are not meant for me..
That it was my destiny to be burnt by the fire and not have it.
W.H.Y
I W.A.N.N.A K.N.O.W.

Maybe I knew why I did so.
Maybe I was the one expecting Utopia out of every fucking thing.

I was forgetting you;
You were now not a part of my daily thoughts.
B
U
T
then I saw you today.
my consciences came back.
I started hating myself again.
but I couldn't blame you for it now.
you are meant to be.. around me,near me
It was me who started caring.
Y
O
U

W
E
R
E

N
E
V
E
R

A
T

F
A
U
L
T

L
O
V
E.