Adiya Amir

Twelve

Warning before reading this chappy!; It has some suicide attempt in it. If you are uncomfortable, please skip.

I was numbed.

The feeling of unwanted and uneasy, I just wanted to fade away. Everything was too much for me to bear. I was tired of living.

Why me

I tried to be normal.

I tried to be invisible.

I just wanted to fade away.

I just wanted to be forgotten.

I was no one.

I didn't have anyone.

What was my essence?

I was tired of living.

I was tired of living in the shadow.

I wanted to be myself.

I wanted to be heard.

I wanted to be seen.

But I knew...

It was impossible.

Because I was no one.

I woke up at the hospital bed frantically, screaming at top of my lungs. The doctor came in and checked on me. As he was asking, "how are you feeling?" I couldn't answer.

How was I feeling?

Was it important?

I was no one!.

And I would always be no one.

I didn't answer him, I just chuckled and mumbled out 'fine', whereas I was having emotional turmoil.

The doctor went out of the room saying he was coming back not before telling me that my crutches were beside the bed if I needed to use the bathroom.

He said I had some broken ribs and my right leg was broken also. The crutches would help for the main time.

As he went out, I yanked the IV from my vein urgently, I needed to escape before he returned.

I looked at the bathroom back to the door, where should I go?. They would find me easily in the bathroom.

I walked out of the door with my crutches, helping me with my movement. I walked to the elevator and pressed it to the last floor; the rooftop but it wasn't working.

That was my escape link.

I struggled out of the elevator to walk to the stair. As I took a step and another, I missed my steps and fell; rolling on the stairs. I bit my lips hard to muffled my cries.

I stood up wobbling again, I started chanting,' I can do it'.

When I reached the last stairs, I opened the door and breath in the fresh air. I was sweating profusely, as I was breathing in my chest was heaving, my rib bones were protesting.

I realized my crutches and crawled to the end stream. I looked down and saw the moving wheels.

That was my opportunity to escape.

I closed my eyes to felt my environment one more time, different sounds and smell assault my senses. A lone tear trailed from my left eye. I was finally free. I would soon meet my parents.

Mama, papa I'm coming, I thought.

I counted from one to three as I wanted to jump down the rooftop, I was held back.

I struggled in the person's arm to release me. I thrashed around and screamed but the arms never left me.

"It's okay" the familiar voice hushed me while I nodded frantically. It was never okay.