Always (Jumin X Zen)

Chapter 9

If there were one word to describe how Jumin felt when he looked at Zen, it'd practically be a godsend. But there wasn't just one thought that swirled through his head; it was a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. Sadness and hurt mixed with joy and love, and relief filled him the most. The only thing Jumin was sure didn't go through his mind was hate.

The two stood apart from each other in silence while looking at one another. Jumin only wished he could show to Zen how much be was loved just through a look because he knew his words would fail him.

It was no doubt Zen was shocked when Jumin suddenly leaned forward and pulled him into a close embrace, burying his face into the other's neck. Jumin's hands gripped tightly onto the back of the his shirt, bunching it up in his fist as if he were clinging onto Zen for his life.

"Jumin..?"

The older man doesn't respond and it's then that Zen feels drops of warmth fall on his shoulder, one right after another. He leans back a little in surprise.

"Jumin why-"

The other heaves in a huge breath through his nose, backing away from Zen, his eyes red.

"Hyun, it.. it appears I've ruined your shirt," he says quietly. Jumin is frowning, even as he blinks away his tears and his arm lingers near Zen's slender waist.

"Oh, it's nothing," Zen says softly. He doesn't know how to react to this side of Jumin. He'd never seen the silver-eyed male cry in front of him (or rather, beside him) and it was almost confusing. Zen understood that they all went through hard times, but that was still no reason for Jumin to cry. He couldn't possibly be that important, and there was no doubt in Zen's mind that Jumin was crying for a different reason altogether. But if he were to cry about something else, why would he go to Zen in the first place? "Are you okay?"

Jumin breathes in deeply through his nose. "Yes, I'm fine. I should be the one asking you that though," he says. He slides a hand through his black hair, staring into Zen's ruby eyes.

"How are you, Hyun?"

It was a normal question, spoken almost so casually that it seemed to Zen like he was being treated not as a victim of anything but as a normal person. And yet.. the question also seemed almost deeper than if anyone else had asked him, the tone making him want to spill his entire heart and soul to the other man.

"Well I.. I'm doing much better," Zen says, smiling softly. "Thank you."

Jumin Han merely nods before rubbing his eyes in a childlike manner. "I'm glad to hear that, Hyun." He smiles as well, his voice filled with warmth.

"So are we.. going home?" Zen looks up and into Jumin's grey eyes.

Jumin nods, hesitating before responding to the other. "Hyun, I have a request," he says, wary of Zen's reactions. The albino looks at him with an eyebrow raised, slightly vexed.

"I would like for you to come live with me," he says while fiddling with his sleeve cuffs, "and I'd like for us to spend more time with one another. I feel like.. we've wasted a lot of time disliking each other when we could have been helping one another.

"I've already found Elizabeth a caretaker so your allergies won't bother you and bought some things for you. And I already let Jaehee know I'll be off from work. Plus I-"

"Wait Jumin," Zen interrupts, frowning in confusion. "Wait. Why are you doing this?"

Jumin stares at him in question before speaking slowly. "I just feel that we should get closer after what you've been through."

Zen continues to frown, shaking his head. "That's not what I mean. Why are you trying so hard to get closer to me?"

Jumin is quiet for a moment. "I believe, Hyun.. that I've lost a lot of time with you. And I feel that this may have affected you in the past.

"More importantly," he murmurs, barely loud enough to be heard, "I want to be by your side. More than anything, I want to be able to hold your hand and help you up when you're down. I want to be able to stand by your side and shield you from all the dangers in the world."

He looks up, smiling softly. "It's okay if you don't feel the same though. As long as I can be near you and have the ability to aid you at your lowest.. then I am happy.

"I never want to fear losing you as much as I did months ago, Hyun."

Zen's eyes fill with tears and his face turns red. "Gosh, I'm sensitive," he laughs, trying not to cry himself. He'd been confused and sad for so long that this one moment of relief was beautiful to him. There was no doubt in his mind that things wouldn't get better immediately - all things take time. The future wasn't set in stone and yeah, bad things are inevitable.

But he also knew that Jumin would be by his side for the majority of it. And if Zen could grow to realize his true worth with another's help, then he was sure to be plenty happier.

Humanity is very flawed. We're given an image to mold into, thoughts to fit into the aspects of, and people whose rules we must follow despite their irrationality. No one thinks of themselves as perfect, which is honestly.. perfectly fine. Because no one should perfect in their own eyes.

But just by being yourself, you're already more beautiful than you know. To be quite frank, not everyone is 100% unique. But we all become our own people because of our own choices and how we let those around us affect us. Choose not to be anyone else, but you.

"So what do you say, Hyun?" Jumin smiles and softly wipes away Zen's tears with his thumb.

"I wouldnt want to be a burden-"

"You won't be. Being human, you can only carry yourself so much before you start to fall. But that's why we need one another; so we can help raise each other to touch the light of setting sun and make it through the nighttime unafraid of the darkness.

"It's okay to depend on me."

Jumin holds out a hand. "Will you accompany me home, Mr. Hyun Ryu?"

Zen looks into Jumin's silver eyes with his own red ones, trying to find any other motives behind the soft smile and hand held out tenderly towards himself other than kindness. But the warmth from Jumin's radiated only of love and devotion.

Zen reaches his hand out, not once breaking eye contact as time seems to slow down with the movement of his arm. He places it over Jumin's own hand lightly, a small smile gracing his own features.

"I can't promise it'll be perfect.. but I will try for you, Jumin Han."