Always (Jumin X Zen)

Chapter 6

|Too Much|

Jumin had spent the entire night at Zen's bedside before he caught a flash of color as his red eyes fluttered open. It seemed to take hours before Zen finally managed to drag his dull crimson eyes across the room. When his eyes reach Jumin standing across from his bed, Jumin almost cries.

There was no longer a pain, no lingering sadness in Zen's expression as his half-closed eyes drag across the room in a slow, even pace. For a moment, Jumin thought that the emotion being portrayed was relief. Maybe even a spark of joy. But had not a second passed before he realized it was only an empty stare. Zen had just awoken. How could he expect anything more?

Zen's eyes reach him and Jumin holds back tears that suddenly threaten to spill. All he does is stand there. Neither moves, in fear that this spell might be broken, that maybe it will all be a lie. And then he speaks.

"Zen..." he whispers. Zen had never heard him this way before, he had never seen Jumin like this. He had always been the strong one, the one who would hold others up with those cold eyes and warm embrace. That was the Jumin he knew. And this.. was not him..

Zen sits up slowly, his entire aching with thoughts of 'why am I still here?'
'where am I?' 'why is Jumin..?'.

He starts trembling as he raises himself, his breaths coming out in shakey pants as realization hits and his mind draws a blank, the pain fading almost just as quickly as it had come. He could feel Jumin's eyes on him before he looked up and looked directly into them. Those eyes.. those eyes of the heir of a company, a future CEO, a cold, emotionless robot. He didn't remember those eyes looking at him like that, in pain and so many other emotions, all rising and falling like the choppy waves on the ocean on a stormy night. Those waves that looked ready to capsize the ship barely floating above it's rocky waters, unsure of its next course of action, the emotions threatening to drown Jumin.

"Zen, I-"

"Why," Zen interrupts. He looks away, pulling in a heavy breath. "Why did you save me?.."

"What..?" Jumin gazes at him worriedly.

"You fucking heard me!" Zen suddenly yells. "You know exactly what I'm asking! You know what I want and you-you just made them-you didn't let me fucking die!"

Exhasperated, Zen looks down and yanks on his hair, panting heavily. He doesn't see the fierce look suddenly flashing across Jumin's face before his words come tumbling out with a sort of anger in his tone.

"Why in the hell would I just let you die? You said were getting better, but I guess you were just lying about that, huh. What else have you lied to me about, Hyun? What else have you been hiding from me?" Jumin only felt betrayal and hurt. The pain in his chest ached, the exhaustion only making it worse. He just needed Zen to be okay.. for him. "I'm tired of it, Hyun. I'm tired of you leaning on me just to make it all seem like it was in vain. Using me this entire time-"

"Listen that's not-"

"No, Hyun, you listen! Listen to me for once! You used me, and you know what, I don't give a damn by this point! I would have let you use me all you wanted but you had to be okay!

     "You keep saying things would be better off if you died, you would be better off if you died! You keep saying that if you were gone, you would finally be free of this pain!" Zen's mind whirls and his face shifts into one of confusion and disbelief, while Jumin's shows only anger and pain. "But what about me, Hyun?! What am I supposed to feel when you're gone? You say no one would miss you but I am right here in front of you! I'm right here!"

     Watching Zen, tears pour down Jumin's face, leaving trails for the other drops of water to follow as they pour out like an endless rainstorm.

     "I.. I don't understand..! You're just making it more difficult, you don't get it," Zen says. "You-you don't understand--"

     "No, you don't seem to understand, Zen. I love you. I would miss you if you died, it would hurt me. You would be out of pain, but what do you expect would happen to me? How am I supposed to feel? How am I supposed to feel if you can't find a single thing in life to keep you here? Why can't you live for me? If nothing else.. please.. for me.." Jumin pulls in a deep breath as he looks down, a shadow cast over his face. Zen does not respond though, only watching him breathe heavily.

     Jumin knew there was nothing else to say. The was no longer anything that could be said in that cold hospital room that could repair the trust that seemed to have broken with those spouted words. Neither could comprehend how the other did not see it from their point of view.

     Jumin sighs, no sign of tears in his eyes nor voice. "The others should be coming in soon. They were very worried about you. At least pretend to appreciate their concern.. I'll be back around three tomorrow," he murmurs.

     He turns around to go, pausing when he pushes the door open, hoping for at least one word from Zen. He hears nothing and gives Zen the same response as he walks out of the room. Zen stares at the door, barely hearing the older male's dress shoes clacking against the floor as he walks away from the room.

    

    

    

    
A/N: lookie here~ I'm not dead~ xD