All torn & Mixed up

But..but...

"I ..I need to see Mark. I need to see my family" I fumbled the words out as I tried to get from my bed. "Dear please lay down, you aren't ready to go running around yet." The nurse shoved me back down. I tried fighting bit she was right, I felt really weak. "W..where are my family?"
She released me, looking at me sadly. "The police found no ID on you, and your prints and DNA weren't in the system. They didn't know who to contact. I'm afraid you family may not know where you are."
"Can you please help me to like a wheel chair or something?" Thankfully she complied, and rolled me down a hallway to a hospital phone.

I dialed up my mom's cell phone. It was still the same. She picked up, and I was relieved to hear her voice. I had seen her only a few moments ago, but this time she would be talking to me. I was just glad all that was behind me. "Mom?" Was all I could get to come out of my mouth. For a moment there was silence on both ends of the line. "LUCY?!" She screamed in my ear. "I'm at Austin's hospital" I heard a click and knew she was on her way.
"Is that everyone?" I shot a little glare at the nurse. I would take as long as I needed, if she didn't want to wait on me then she could leave. Next number. I called Ashley, I wasn't sure if she would have stayed here if I was in a coma, she might have gone home to Australia. So I called her work. "Tony's coffee how may I help you?" Her dull tone met my ears. She seemed glum "Ashley, get your butt over to the hospital right now!" She squealed as soon as she heard that, and I hung up first. I thought of calling Mark too, but I kind of wanted to surprise him.

"LUCY!!!" My mom, Ashley, and Lily all screamed I simultaneously as they entered my room. They squashed me with a group hug. I was standing, leaning on the bed. The doctor had advised against doing a whole lot of walking. But I was doing pretty good. I'd walked down the hall and back without any help, so I could go home and not need a damn wheelchair.
"It's so good to have you back!" Ashley still seemed in awe. I gave her a little hug, and left our apartment to Mark's. One thing I had learned, is that I couldn't be shy with him. I loudly knocked on the door, a big grin on my face as the knob turned.
"Can I help you?" A tall, not really tall but taller than me, brunette girl answered the door. She had striking blue eyes and was the polar opposite of me. I was slightly taken aback by her answering the door, so I was shocked into silence. "Ummm?" She inquired, which finally prompted me to talk. "Hi, I'm Lucy. The neighbor. I just wanted to come introduce myself to all the neighbors" I smiled big.
"Oh...I'm Becky. I don't live here full time. But my boyfriend Mark, it's his apartment. I'll go get him." She gave me an almost menacing look as she walked away.
But I didn't care, my heart had already been stabbed. Mark had a girlfriend. And this time it wasn't me. I wanted to slap myself, but the days of being able to were over. Surely he moved on, it had been two years after all.
"I didn't know we had a new neighbo.." Mark trailed off his sentence as he came to the door. His brown eyes grew wide with disbelief. I wanted to smile, everything in my wanted to smile, hug him, and give him a big kiss. Tell him everything. But all that came out of my mouth was "Hi Mark" and a flat tone of voice.
"Oh my God Lucy!!!!" He lurched forward, yanking me into a hug. I was stiff, and didn't really take part in the hug. Shortly, he pulled away, looking at me. "Well I'll leave you two alone. I just wanted to say hi. It's been a long time" turning, I swiftly jumped back into my own apartment.
How could this be happening...again?

I went straight to my room, laying on the bed I tried to sob. But I was so tired I fell asleep before I could, funny how I could still be tired after sleeping for a year straight. 

I was woken when my bed moved and I felt a hand on my leg. I blinked open my sleepy eyes, looking towards the disturbance. A man sat on the edge of my bed, I quickly recognized him and recoiled away from his hand. He looked hurt by that, "How did you get in here?" At that moment I already knew. Ashley had probably let him in. "Ashley let me in" he confirmed for me "You ran away kinda fast earlier, I didn't get a chance to talk to you."  I pulled the fluffy blanket up to cover my shivering body, it was cold. "Ya, that was on purpose" I hissed, pushing him off the bed with my foot as I sat up. 

"Why...whats wrong?" Mark was pulling his puppy dog eyes on me, but they wouldn't work. "Mark you have a girlfriend" he sighed, climbing back on the bed and scooting closer. "I know, and I understand how weird this must be for you. Considdering how we left things. But that doesn't mean we can't be friends." The words echoed in my head like a nightmare, like the one I had just escaped. He wanted to be just friends, I mean I could understand him not dropping everthing for me, but that was to much. 

"No" I murmured quietly "What? Why not?!" Mark demanded, a little more firm this time. He was almost sitting on me he was so close. "I..I don't understand!" he exclaimed, more hurt than anything else. I knew he had always liked me, but as a friend or something more, that was one thing I was never sure about. "Why can't we be friends.." "Mark, I...I can't. If you had any idea whatI have been through the past two years, you'd understand why!" I half yelled at him. I couldn't help it, I was so hurt, it just...came out. 

Mark grabbed my hand "Then tell me" but...could I? Was it really right of me to take away Becky's happiness for my own gain? Thats what had been done to me, and it had been torture. could I live with myself if I did it to her? I pulled my hand away from his. As much as it hurt, I looked down, trying not to catch his eye "I..I just can't. I can't be friends, it hurts to much. Please go." He didn't want to, but Mark knew he wasn't going to get anything else out of me, so he left. 

"Mark said he wanted to talk to you...everything ok?" Ashley came in my room shortly after Mark left, a cup of tea in her hand for me. I took the drink with a thankful nod and proceeded to talk. Ashley, well I was really done hiding things from her. She deserved to know the truth, and all of it. "Now that Mark has a girlfriend, it makes it so hard to be around him at all. I spent one year...ONE YEAR of my life fighting to get to him. Fighting to get him back, and watching him fall in love with some one he though was me. And when I found out it was all in my head and none of it was real, I was so happy. Thinking maybe there was a chance that Mark and I could be together now, and I didn't have to suffer any more. But...now that I'm here, I see not only did he move on, but he gave up on me. I..he stopped looking, he stopped caring.." Ashley stopped me. "Lucy he NEVER stopped caring. But if you feel like this, you should tell him. Maybe he'll understand." 

"And do what? Break up with Becky and come crawling to me? I doubt it. Even if that did happen, I would feel terrible for ruining her life." I knew I was ranting, but I had to get it al out. "Lucy, you have spent your whole life sacraficing, so that others can be happy while you suffer. Hun you're done suffering, do something for yourself. Forget the consequences." What Ashley was saying was true, I had given up enough. But still, did it justify what I wanted to do? 

"Thanks Ash. I'll sleep on it" she left me be and I cuddled up, drinking my tea. What on earth is happening to me, I can't decide on torturing myself or hurting some one else. What has my life come to that those are my only choices?