All torn & Mixed up

New Relations

"We're going out to see the new Gears movie tonight" David announced, snatching a coke from my fridge. Ashley wasn't home, and I was glad she wasn't. She wouldn't have stood for that, but I didn't care anymore. I just didn't want to feel alone, and I certainly didn't want Mark to think I was lonely.

"Alright" I replied dryly, staring blankly at the front door. "Lets go then" David grabbed my wrist roughly, I winced in pain as he yanked me towards the door. He flung it open, and I was ever reminded of how strong he was. He pushed me out before him, I heard yelling and felt a bump. I ran straight into some one. I was shoved roughly, I just went where the pushes sent me. Once I regained my focus, I say Becky. She was pissed, I could see it in her eyes, which were welling with tears.

She glared at me, tearing through me with her dark brown stare. Mark was behind her in the doorway to his apartment. He had his hand on the frame hadn't seemed to notice me yet. He was angry too, Becky turned back to him. "If your really feel this way, maybe we shouldn't see each other" Mark declared. Becky looked from Mark, to me, then back to Mark.

"It looks like she's moved on. So have fun with that" Mark for the first time, noticed me standing there, David behind me. His chocolate brown eyes, which looked almost black, the way they did when he had been angry, widened. Becky jogged quickly down the steps and left in a hurry. Leaving me in an incredibly uncomfortable silent stare down with Mark, David, and myself.

"How've you been Lucy?" Mark's question was stiff, forced, and uneasy. I could tell seeing me with another guy bother him. I looked him straight in the eyes, but I couldn't make myself say anything. Not with David watching my every move. "Lets go"

David started down the stairs, with a few moments of delay, I followed. Mark grabbed my arm as I grazed by him. I winced a little, half expecting him to hit me like David did. But he didn't, and I remembered that Mark wasn't like that. But as much as David psychically hurt me, it was nothing compared to the emotional damage and wounds Mark had given me. "Lucy..." he couldn't find the words to speak. Knowing David would notice soon, I made it short and quick. "You moved on Mark, why can't I?"

Removing myself from his grip I followed David.

I sat in he jock invested theater, my head resting in my hands, I was half watching the movie through cloudy eyes. I really didn't care for it anyway, but all I could think about was Mark, and Becky. What had they been fighting about? Wasn't it funny that now I was the one moving on and he was alone? But I wasn't happy, not with David. I felt so empty all the time. When I was with family or close friends it was better, I felt some shred of happiness. But with all that had happened, with Rick, with my coma, with the nightmare during my coma. It was hard to accept reality for what it really was.

It was even hard to look at Mark and see the person I'm sure everyone else saw. Mark, Markiplier, who was Markiplier? The man who made millions laugh, the man who made fan girls cry, screech with joy when he agreed to take a fucking selfie with them.

I clenched my phone tightly in my fist, feeling as if it would crumble from the force.

But Mark, maybe he was all of those things, but he was so much more than that. He was a dark angel, with his black wings painted white. Every time he was around, the paint faded a little more, another feather fell. Leaving behind even more reason for me to understand who he was. The man behind the camera. The man I'd fallen in love with over and over again.

He was kind, he was sweet, he was most definitely handsome. He was practically the guy every girl dreamed of, and his weirdness made him exactly the man I had always wanted in my life.

But after all, he was a darkness.

Some people may say, does Darkness have a name? I ask Mark, is it your name? Just as you'd suspect, darkness crumbles you, it makes you weak, it makes you vulnerable, that's exactly what this angel did to me. As many times as I watched him, as many times as he made me laugh and made me cry with joy, as many times as I fell in love. I tried so hard not to, because from the very begining, I knew it was to good to be true.

Like from the start, my soul was screaming out to me, warning me of the falling feathers. Warning me of the Darkness. But did I listen? No! I didn't, I let it happen, over and over. He hurt me, and I just fell right back in love again. Why I insisted on hurting myself like this I would never understand. When I looked at him, I hurt, I felt like nothing was worth the while any longer.

I didn't want to get up out of bed, I felt....I feel worthless.

Maybe an abusive ass like David was all I really deserved, I certainly wasn't worth the time to any decent guy. I shivered, zipping up my jacket I ducked out the door in front of David. He didn't open the car door for me, which I always made me uncomfortable anyway. I got in the car, his driving terrified me. So to calm myself I grabbed my sketch book from my satchel. Inside were dozens of drawings, a dark form, hiding behind a light.

The car was speeding, but it stopped abruptly. Something felt off, I got out of the car, not wanting to look at David, scared of what my eyes would find. He followed me up to my apartment, I just wanted to go to sleep. But it was obvious that's not what he wanted, that became apparent when he slammed me against my door. He put his hand behind my head, mixing his fingers through my hair. Locking them in place and pulling my straight blond locks tight.

"Come on babe, why don't we go on inside. Its been two weeks and you still haven't given it up" pulled, but my head seared with pain. "I would have expected you to have beaten it out of me already" I countered bravely, gasping as he shoved me harder. "If you wont give it to me, I'll just take it you little tramp!"

A short squeal escaped my mouth before he covered it. I paniked, kicking out with my feet. I felt pain, fear, I wanted to get away. All I could do is fight, my memories were overwhelming me. I saw Rick, hovering over me when he pinned me in the alley. A young innocent Lucy, terrified, trying to fight, trying to run. But it was no use then, and it was no use now. "Hey! Get off her!" I heard a shout, and a fist barreled into David's face.

David got up, fleeing to his car, but I was confused. A person leaned down to help me up but I attacked them. When they touched me I assumed the worst, I kicked, and felt my foot hit nothing. I opened my eyes, and saw Mark, he was crouched next to me and I was sitting slumped against my door.

I looked at Mark, the landing light was brighter than I remembered. No one ever believed me when I was younger, that I saw things. Things other people didn't. I could tell when some one was a good person. Whether or not I followed my instincts was another story.

But as Mark crouchec there, a feather floated to the ground. It was not fading to black like the others. It was pure white. I looked from the feather back to him, and smiled. Maybe I didn't have to feel this way anymore. NO. I stopped myself, one little wink, a smile, and some soft soothing words from his mouth and I fell back under his spell. Every time. Before I had a chance to think much on it, I heard a voice. "Get the Fuck up both of you!" David's voice cracked, but that became insanely less funny when we noticed he was holding a gun.