1nn0c3nt

---Sunday 25th August 2019---

When I wake, I'm in the same medbay bed, Bucky sitting in the corner. This time I snap back. "Where's Cap?" I say immediately, the words coming out too fast for me to control. Bucky looks at me. His eyes look like he's crying, though no tears spill. "I don't know." he replies. "That gun, do you know it?" I ask. "The Betalpharic one? Yes. I do. They used it to kill the rest of the winter soldiers in their sleep. Seeps poison, right?" I nod. He shudders. "All too familiar with that one."

So he knows- there has to be a connection. I rack my brain for any information the officers slipped while I was me. Suddenly I remember sitting in the corner of a dark, sparsely-furnished room. I remember myself fighting for my identity. The monster they made me was taking over. I looked up from my knees and saw some men in the next room over manufacturing a weapon. I was alone in the room, just me and the monster. Stop making me hurt my friends! I yelled to it in my mind. This is who you are, Jakaranda. You are me. The direwolf replied. I am not you. They are using me. You are not me. I am- The memory cuts off there. That was the day I escaped, I recall. Hydra was making Betalpharic pistols- copying their military blueprints to use their own weapons against them. "If you don't mind me asking," I begin, "why did they kill the other winter soldiers?" Bucky heaves a sigh. "I- I don't know. They were breaking free of Hydra's influence." Then it clicks. They were hunting down the Spring soldiers because of the fear we'd expose them. The man in the classroom- it all comes back. I saw him, in the next room over, in a suit almost the same as the one he wore into my school. Then I remember a blinding flash of light and the sound of metal twisting and breaking. Then I felt the cold air of the outside creeping up my arms. He must have- I must have done that to him- made him feel as though I was always watching him, building up my rage. His paranoia- he was scared of me.

"That man, the one in my classroom-" Bucky nods slowly, as if it's all coming back to him now. "Yes," he begins slowly, softly. "I remember- he was a previous Hydra official. He was fired when they tested him for signs of paranoia. I liked him. He'd come to greet me every morning, he cared for me when no one else did. He gave me the strength to stay myself. Eventually, Cap came and found me and we broke out together," he sighs, as if to say, ah, the good old days. "I knew you, too. You were a year younger though. I knew you when you were thirteen. I trained with you, but you don't remember me, do you?" he asks. I shake my head. "I'm- I'm sorry. I don't. All I remember you as is Bucky. You inspired me to break free. I saw in your conscience how happy you were outside. The willpower-"

"The flash of light- I saw that. That was you?" Was it me? The memory cut off there- maybe it was me... "I don't know. I didn't even think I was able to do that." He nods slowly. "Buck." a voice says from outside. "Let her rest." Stephen walks in, bringing Loki with him. Loki looks at Stephen with disgust and disrespect, but when his eyes fall on me, he almost falls over. His eyes widen. "Tell me you're joking. Look, I think that this whole new- next gen thing is great. But we can't go around just picking fourteen year old shapeshifters up," he says. "How do you know my age? How do you know I'm a shapeshifter?" he looks at my face. "I was raised by a witch and a god, girl. I can know anything I like about anyone. You are fourteen, no?" he says in response as he sits down next to me. I give up and just nod my reply. He places his hand on my head. Bucky leaves the room wordlessly. It hurts Loki too, his hand crackling with the static. "Oh my goodness," he says, stumbling backwards. "You're a Spring soldier," he says. Bucky appears in the doorway again. "Was a Spring soldier, you mean." Loki looks up from me. "Oh, look. It's the puny winter soldier." Bucky rolls his eyes. "Can you just focus on what we told you to do?" Stephen sighs, annoyed. Loki places his hand on my forehead again. He closes his eyes, and I feel his unwelcome presence in my mind. I close my eyes to focus on his presence and aim to make sense of it. What is he doing inside my head?! He notices me. "Easy there," he says, smirking. "The direwolf was my daughter's pet." I look down at myself. "Isn't she your sister?" I rebound his sarcasm. "Ha, no. Why does everyone think that?" he asks. "Hela, my sister- it's laughable, really." I am talking to a frost giant god. In my head. And he is RESPONDING SENTIENTLY. "Stephen said I had to ask your permission to access your memories, my dear." I allow him to see my memories. I want to find out what happened to me, what I'd become, what they'd made me. He walks around in my memories, watching on in a twisted sense of interest. I see the memories as I walk beside him, horror contorting my facial expressions.