The ground was hard and it was uncomfortable and even though we had shitty little tents that Ashton had managed to smuggle from his garden shed I was being eaten alive my mosquitos.
Gray, Lily and I shared a tent while Luke, Taylor, Ashton and Jean huddled together in the larger of the two that were packed. To say this was ideal living would be a large exaggeration.
We had decided that staying here probably wasn’t the best idea, although it may be in the bush and as far as we were concerned we were safe it was probably for the best that we take the biggest car we can find and pile in, head to the furthest, most abandoned town that still has a supermarket and set up a comfortably spot there until the problem was sorted out.
Without saying anything we all kind of decided we weren’t going to call this a war, technically yes, that is what it is, war, invasion, taking of land, but they just make it seem so real, so scary.
We’ve had no communication with our parent’s sense before the formal, we have no idea what is going on or what it looks like further towards the city or if they have been game enough to enter the suburbs.
We didn’t know if our military was fighting them here on the shores of Sydney, or if we had any troops anywhere but the Kokoda Track but we hoped and we pleaded and we prayed literally prayed, something that I haven’t done sense I heard of my brother illness, that this would all wash over and we would all go back to the way things were.
It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours sense the news his but I was already started to miss the simple things of living, like my warm electric blanket, the onesie I keep stored for cold winter nights like these, sneaking around to Grays house in the middle of the night on a Saturday to smoke pot and play video games.
Just thinking that I might never have that again was taunting and terrible. I must have been tossing and turning and whacking Gray because he sat upright, the blankets stayed on his shoulders and they were lifted into the air letting the cold wind brush under the covers and send Goosebumps over my spine and I instinctively pushed him down.
“What did you hear something?” He asked in a hushed, panicked voice and I grabbed my pillow and slumped him with it.
“No, I just can’t sleep and I’m stressed.” I smile but it was kind of forced but kind of real because I’ve said those words before in a better situation.
“Will you guys shut up I’m trying to sleep,” Lily grumped and I looked over and her hair was up in a messy bun and her eyes were groggy and she didn’t look as beautiful as before, she looked prettier because this was her naturally and I just wanted to suffocate her with the pillow she was using, but I mean that in the nicest way possible.
Without a word being spoken Gray and I unzipped the tent and crawled out, I cracked my back and stretched, my muscles ached and bones felt like putty and we walked over to the fire pit and Gray grabbed some dead grass in his hand, lit it in the centre with a lighter we found in Ashtons glove box and threw it onto the still warm sticks.
It took a while for the fire to actually get blazing, it started as just a dull glow but the heated smoke was still enough to keep us warm.
“You don’t seem like you hate Ashton as much, that’s a sudden change.” He stated started a conversation I wasn’t really sure I wanted to get into.
“Yeah well, he’s not such an asshole once you get to know him.” Was my only response and we fall into a soft silence.
It wasn’t long until we hear ruffling from one of the tents and Ashtons popped his head out from between his tents flaps. He awkwardly manoeuvred his large body out of the tight space he gave himself because he obviously couldn’t be bothered to unzip it any further.
I was expecting to him walk over and sit down but instead he walks straight past us, rubbing his eyes and pushing his hair out of his face. His hair in the morning kind of reminded me of instant noodles before you put any water on it and it’s just all tightly packed together and wavy.
I watch him with a raised eyebrow until I see him suddenly stop and him stand with his legs more than shoulder length apart and then I realized, “Ashton can you piss further into the bush? For fuck sake you grot.”
All I got in response was a rude finger with the hand that wasn’t currently on his penis.
When he came to sit back down his wiped his hand all over my face and I squirmed and hit him arm when he sat beside me, “You are so fucking gross! Go wash your hands.” I sigh.
“No thanks bitchacha,”
“Bitchacha?”
“Bitchacha. Maybe bitchacha can be ou-“
“Ashton I swear to god if you reference that fucking book I will pull your scrotum off its hinges and shove them so far up your rectum it will come out your left eye socket.”
I roll my eyes and I sunk off the log we were sitting on and used it more as a pillow as I looked up at the two boys who seemed to in sync hover their heads over mine.
“You’re very violent.” Ashton noted.
“You’re very idiotic.”
“You’re very immature,”
“You’re very retarded.”
“You’re very beautiful.” He said and I blushed a deep crimson just looking up at him like he had said the strangest thing in the world.
Gray shuffled beside me awkwardly “Ashton mate can I talk to you?” He said sternly and the two walked off into the bush somewhere leaving me alone beside the dull fire that had barely any warmth.
I couldn’t help but hold my breath, almost like if I didn’t breathe I would somehow be able to hear what the boys were discussing. It was no secret that Gray detested Ashton, actually it was no secret that Gray detested almost everyone.
I grabbed a large stick and held it over the dull flames, poking and prodding at the other alright ignited sticks and watching the embers float up towards the dark night sky.
“Alison?” Taylor asked her voice groggy and kind of sick sounding.
“Yeah?” I ask without turning around and she sits next to me, “dude you smell like cheap perfume,” I add coughing slightly at the strong smell that was wafting up my nostrils, feeling as if it was burning my nose hairs.
“Sorry, I felt like I stank and sprayed what I had in my purse,” she admitted sheepishly.
“Yeah well you smell worse now, fuck.” I laugh still poking at the flames.
We sat in silence for a while and I think this is the first time we haven’t tried to rip each other’s heads off. I think everyone is in shock though. We’re all trying to process everything and we’re all realizing we may only be seeing each other for a while and we should try and keep the peace.
It was a while before Taylor finally spoke up again, I assume she had been wanting to say this the whole time, “I’m scared, Alison.”
“We’re all scared.”
“You’re not.” She said almost as if she was jealous, like she was scoffing at the fact that I wasn’t having a full breakdown like she seemed to be.
“I am actually.”
“You don’t show it.”
“I’ve always had to be strong for my brother, and now I have to be strong for you, for Gray, Jean, and Ashton. We’re all scared Taylor, you’re not alone.”
“You’re not alone either… don’t think you have to carry us all on your shoulders.”
“Looking after others is all I know how to do.”
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On the side is legit footage of Ashton from 2007
