A/N: Hey guys ^_^ this is my first fanfic. I hope you like it!
Chpater 1:
POV Ian
I'm my living room with Anthony. We were sitting on the couch. He was giving me a look of desperation. A pleading look full of hope and nervousness at the same time. I looked back into his big, brown eyes. They were so beautiful.
"Ian....", He began " I... I don't know how to say this... But I love you"
I don't know what face I was giving him but I guess he took is the wrong way because I saw his entire face fall. I couldn't find words to describe how I was feeling right now. I have waited so long for this.
He put his head down and was about to face away with tears streaming down his face. I lifted my hand under his chin and made his face meet mine. I looked in his eyes once more then my lips met his. He seemed surprised at first and tensed a little but soon relaxed and kissed me back. He tasted so sweet. The kiss felt like it lasted forever and my body melted. It was pure bliss. At the same time, we backed out lips away from each other, our foreheads still touching. I could feel his warm breath.
"I love you too", I said.
He smiled and leaned in again.
We collapsed into eachother kissing once again. 'This is heaven' I thought to myself.
My eyes shot open. There was a loud noise beside me. I sat up and scratched my head. I have been having this dream for awhile now. I turned towards the noise beside me. My alarm clock. 10 am. I had went to bed a 8 last night and I still feel like I havnt slept in days. I drooped my eyes. 'Great' I thought. 'Another torchering day'. I sighed and turned off the beeping alarm. I went out into the kitchen to find Anthony eating cereal.
"Hey man", he greeted me.
"Hey" I said groggily.
I sat down next to him with my own bowl of cereal.
Anthony finished his breakfast and brought it to the kitchen. "I'm goin' over to Kalels so ill see ya later, k?"
"K"
He always spent a most of his time with her. She doesn't know how lucky she is... I have been broken up with Melanie for over a week now. I didn't love her anymore. Did I ever love her? No. I have always had one love. One person who could make me happy. Anthony. I've had feelings for him for awhile now. About 5 years. Maybe more. My life's been a whole blur. All I remember now is longing for anthony to love me back. He doesn't see my feelings for him. All of this affects me very deeply. I am always so depressed. Anthony grabs his keys and leaves. I sigh, get up, and go into my room. I lye down on my bed and listnen to the same song on replay like I have for years now. No other song. Just this one I listen to when I'm alone.
'Oh your in my veins and I cannot get you out'
'Oh your all I taste at night inside of my mouth'
'Oh you runaway but 'cause I am not what you found'
'Oh your in my veins and I cannot get you out'
I start crying. My sadness turns to anger. I sit-up and let out a loud grunt of frustration and slam my fists on the floor. Over. And over. And over. Harder and harder.
I stop because my fists become too numb.
I can't take it anymore. I stand up, go into the bathroom, and turn on the shower, I strip my clothes of an look in the mirror. 'Disgusting' I thought to myself. I went into the shower. I turned the water dial up all the way. I'm blinded by steam but its okay because I've done this to many times to forget where everything is. I reach over to a little shelf and grab an all too familiar object in my hand. I brought it down upon my wrist. I'm not fully blinded, for I can see red dripping down my pale skin. I'm draining away all my miseries. Waves of relief struck me. It felt so good. After I was done i got out of the shower and looked at myself in the mirror again. My pale skin turned bright red from the steamy water. I looked down at my wrists, full of scars. Wounds everywhere, new and old. I felt better but I knew these new wounds wouldn't last me that long. Everyday I seem to feel worse and worse. Like my longing for anthony is eating me alive. What it's like to love someone so much it hurts. I get dressed and continue to listen to my iPod. The volume up all the way. I don't feel any better. Maybe writing will. I go under my bed and bring out everything I wrote in one pile. I get a clean sheet of paper and a pen.
Dear Anthony,
I've never told you my true feeling for you. We have been friends since 6th grade. We been together through thick and thin. Our friendship is infinite. But that's just it. Our friendship. Anthony, I want so much more than friendship. Dammit Anthony, I think I love you. Screw that. I know I love you. I have for a long time now and seeing you with kalel kills me. I can't take it anymore so that's why I'm writing you this letter. To tell you how I really feel. I hope this doesn't ruin out friendship. Anthony, I'm sorry I love you. I tried so many times to talk myself out of it. But I can't steer my heart away from what it really wants so now its time to face the music.
Sincerely,
Ian
I put the piece of paper with the rest of my similar pile. I have written this letter so many times in many different ways. I put it under my bed again. My phone rings. I pick it up and look at it. Anthony. I pressed answer.
"Hey" I said
"Hey man I'm on my way over to edit. Be ready okay?
" yeah sure, I'm ready."
" Kay, cool. See ya"
"Yeah. See ya"
Within ten minutes I hear the door open and footsteps. I walk out and see anthony.
"Hey man ill edit the frames and you can edit the sound later. Tell you when I'm done" he says walking into the editing room.
"Mmk." I reply
I watch tv for a couple hours and anthony comes out to tell me he's done. I get up and start to edit the sound for the video. I watched to see what we have so far. Anthony's really good at editing. So talented. I sigh and edit for a couple hours. After I was done i walk into my room. I see anthony standing with his back towards me. He's holding a piece of paper. 'NO' I think to myself. 'It can't be...'
"Anthony..." My voice is shaking.
Anthony whips around, startled.
" O-oh Ian! Uh-"
"W-what are you reading...?"
"Err nothing..."
I walk up to and yank the paper put of his hand scanning the words. 'Dear anthony, I've never told you my true feelings for you' ...
"I-ian, I-"
I feel like I'm going to be sick. Tears are streaming down my face. I run out of the room heading for the door.
"IAN WAIT!"
Buts its too late. I slammed the door shut, got in my car, and drove away. I need some time to think.
A/N: Hey, did you like it? Please give me feed back! Chapter 2 is coming very soon ;)
