You Can (Not) Forget

What Can (Not) Be Changed

Shinji cringed.

He cringed as he watched himself choke Asuka. A wicked smile spread across his features as his grip tightened; his fingers wrapped around her neck like a noose. His thumbs pushed in on the center of her neck. Her eyes were wide, pleading with him silently. She wanted to breathe so badly; desperately.

He wouldn't let her.

Shinji watched as his grip tightened again. He watched as Asuka's hand grew weak; limp. It fell from its place on his cheek and hit the ground. A soft thunk echoing in his ear. Finality. Asuka was dead; she wasn't coming back. Shinji watched as he pulled his hands away from her throat – hand shaped bruises left as evidence.

Shinji looked away now as the scene began to replay itself. He was tired of seeing this.

~X~

Shinji sat up, sucking in air as if he'd never breathed before. Cold sweat beaded on his forehead, his heart hammered in his chest, and his breath was shallow. Shinji's nightmare had been horrible. He'd choked her, yes, but it had been nothing like that. He hadn't enjoyed it. He was punishing himself, he thought – he knew. He was sure.

"Bad dream, Third?" asked Asuka maliciously. A dark grin was stretched across her lips. It didn't take long for Shinji to realize that she'd had something to do with his dream. He looked away from her, trying not to acknowledge her existence.

"Trying to ignore me, Third? I won't let you; I won't let you forget what you did to me. To our world. You can try as hard as you want. You can run as far as you wish – but you listen, and you listen good." She was in his face now, the darkest of glares present in her good eye.

"I won't ever let a day in your pathetic, worthless excuse for a life go by where you can think you will ever be able to escape what you've done." And with those words, Asuka was gone. Shinji sat there for a moment; the silence around him giving way to a ring in his ears. It was quiet, too quiet – and he was tired. And Angry. And worried. And he didn't want to see anything from his old world ever again.

Shinji muttered to himself, muttered that he'd made a mistake. Lying back down, he closed his eyes and fell – after an hour – into another fitful sleep. Another day was dawning on Tokyo-3.

He didn't think it was going to be a good one.

~X~

Shinji awoke, bleary eyed, as the sun crept into his room through the blinds. The Third Child rubbed at his eyes, still tired from his horrid night. His first night in this new Tokyo-3 had been less than enjoyable, to say the least, but he figured he could work on that as the days passed. For now though, he figured he'd get up and make breakfast, then prepare for school. Shinji remembered that – at some point in the mess of tests and interrogations the night before – Misato told him he'd be attending school today.

Now that he thought about how quickly he was going to be in school, he concluded that it was rather abrupt and most certainly impromptu. Last time this happened, he'd been in no way prepared. Not that it really mattered. Even if given more time, he still wouldn't have been ready for the beating Toji gave him.

"Brother."

Shinji jumped, his heart pounding as adrenaline pumped through his veins. Taking a few calming breaths, he turned to his new – family, of sorts. Leliel was behind him, slightly overhead, hovering. She had a smile on her face as he looked her over in scrutiny.

"Are we really related now? Really?" he asks, skeptical now that he's been able to sleep on the situation.

"Yes," she replies, instantly. "Is that really what you should be asking right now? Do we not have more important things to discuss?" Shinji looks to his watch, reading the time. It read six in the morning. School started at eight – and he assumed that Misato would drive him there for his first day, so he knew where to go. In that case, he wouldn't need to worry about how long he took making breakfast, although, he decides, he may need to try eating after she's driven him and certainly not before. He didn't want to throw up.