Au where Sara just turns to the sou tm backstory
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Distant, that would be the definition to describe me now. Cold and mendacious to myself and who surrounds,
this is the reformed me.
A fragment of my lost shell breaks apart each time I lie, shattering into parts so tiny there's nothing left.
I'm the splitting image of something I grew to hate, him.
Dishonest Sou, his facade slipped too far, and the truth came out. A shame really, not even a person I look up to now can make it. It should be a reality check, but there's nothing that will make me turn to society anymore, he's gone.
The cheerful boy I loved so dear had died right in front of my eyes, and there was nothing I could do.
One day so full of emotion, bawling my tears out until there was little left,
to
detached from myself, on the rails of losing it all, blurring the lines between my facade and myself.
It's laughable, the worried stares i used to receive from loved friends,
to glaring with vacant eyes at nobodies.
That's of course including me but excluding Reko.
But it's not like she cares about me anymore either, she protects Nao from my hateful gaze.
i sigh, closing my eyes. The coldness of the fake outside is noticeable now, the fictional sunlight gone from the now tranquil area. I wish I could just lie down and let the earth reclaim me.
I feel the presence of another person, strong and blond.
Keiji sits next to me. " Why are you doing this? " I shrug.
" The glue piecing the me together has faded, i'm unhinged. Why don't you go attempt to woo some other girl? " I get up, but his hand pulls me back.
" Your mask is slipping. " Is he catching on?
" What mask? " I look away.
" I can see it, Sara. Detective eye, you know. " I turn around and face him.
Careful, hold yourself, he's capable of something.
Don't let him in.
" I don't need the friendly policeman's help okay? This is the new me, can't handle it? "
I could see the discomfort in his eyes, they spoke softly to me. As if saying, " You know this isn't yourself. "
" Oh I can handle it, I just thought you were mature enough to give in right away. Looks like we're doing this the hard way. " His eyes are a gentle warning, as if not wanting to do this yet forcing himself.
Hesitant, I sit back down. " So what do you have in mind, Keiji? " I don't use the nickname, which I think hurts him more as he pauses before his next sentence.
" Listen, I know she's in there somewhere. "
his words hurt with a certain kind of pain, it lingers in my chest before simmering way. Keiji's large hands grip my shoulders and force me to look at him, he stares into my eyes. I look away.
" Who's she? "
I question, not wanting to give him the satisfaction.
" The real Sara, the most loving and intelligent girl Joe knew. His true best friend til' the end. "
The ache in my heart only hurts more as he says that, tears forming in my eyes. Laced with hate, I push him off.
" Don't speak about him. "
He softens, now only realizing I'm not gonna give in so easily.
" Oh? I thought he was the most precious thing in the universe. You even told me you would die for him. "
I hissed, feeling as if his words left physical marks on me. I would've, if i could've.
" You don't think i tried? "
Holding in my tears made me feel slightly dizzy, it weighed on me as I tried to take a step forward. Feeling slightly stronger as i didn't face him, i continued.
" I tried so damn hard, but he only struggled harder with every push of the button. "
I felt the tears build up in my eyes, death of my mother now suddenly settling in as well.
" I blame every-god damn-body in the building for his death, even myself, so much I can't even speak his name. "
Keiji seemed pleased I was now showing another emotion of grief, I had to bottle myself up quick.
" But I guess you don't know my pain, you only watched the person in your pair die. You don't even seem touched a bit by their death. "
I walked away, composed and damaged.
Time to play the game of shut out.
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