bᵢₗₗᵢₑ ₑᵢₗᵢₛₕ ᵢₘₐgᵢₙₑₛ

3~ xanny

warning: There are depressing and suicidal words and sentences in here, I don't support them it's just for the chapter. Please don't follow them either.

Thank you. Enjoy!

No one
~

Billie claimed to have a very depressing, stressful, and suicidal life. Wherever she goes, she gets stopped by the paparazzi. She describes it as overwhelming and unsafe. It freaks her out and she gets panic attacks. Sometimes some of her panic attacks are worse than others. Her brother has become distant from her which upset her deeply because she had a very close connection with him and didn't feel the need to have anyone else in her life, so after he had become so distant, she felt lost and very depressed. Sometimes Billie thought she was so clingy and annoying that those were part of the reason she hated herself so much. She didn't really make music that much anymore. It did upset the fans for a while but they came to a decision to support her and continue to listen to the music that she had put out already. Without the help of her brother, it was almost impossible to make music or even a single lyric. Anything that she had come up with on her own had consisted of such suicidal thoughts that not really anyone would relate to.

"Being alone in this cruel world feels like being dead already."

"Repairing a broken heart almost feels too impossible."

"You could smoke for the fun of it, I could smoke to die."

"Suicide is contagious, let's just keep doing it."

"I'm so busy helping other people when I can't help myself."

"I tell people to love themselves when I hate myself."

..and of course, no one wanted to hear how depressed and crippled Billie sounded, so she decided to keep them to herself and lay back from music.

On the other hand, besides being completely depressed, sometimes not even knowing why, she was also very stressed out because she was supposed to do a whole world tour in a couple of months and she was not up to it. At all. With being depressed, Finneas being distant, people giving her constant panic attacks, it was scary rather than exciting and fun. She also hated her body. Which is such a typical thing to hate about yourself but it was serious. She cuts herself every time she looks at herself. It makes her cry and feel uncomfortable. At this point, she wasn't wearing huge outfits to seem like she's cool but to cover up a lot of the cuts she's made.

Billie was very nervous to make this next move but she needed something to cool her down and make her forget about the upcoming events even though she would still think about it after. Billie put on a simple black hoodie and black sweatpants and a pair of sunglasses to cover up her identity.

Billie

I walked out of the house and entered my car. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving and I didn't care. No one cared about anything I did anymore so why would it matter? People would always say I drive so unsafe because I don't focus on the road and I space off. It's a habit. I'm surprised I haven't killed myself yet.

"Better off without them."

I parked in the back of a huge parking lot to go unnoticed. I exit out of my car and keep my head down but not make it seem like I'm suspicious. I realized that maybe walking through one of the busiest streets in LA was probably not the smartest. Paparazzi were always roaming the street looking for celebrities.

I'm so stupid for thinking this would work!

I get closer to the Starbucks building and as I'm getting closer, I become more panicked when the paparazzi slowly figure out who I am.