Problem Solved

Chapter 8 - On strict parents and relationships.

Heya everyone!

I know that i havent published anything in this book for a while but i promise that it is far from over yet.

About a month ago a friend of mine came to me wanting some advice and granted me permission to publish it into Problem Solved. At the time however i was going through a lot of my own discomforts in life and had to remind myself that in order to help others, you must first help yourself. I took some time to get my head back on track then decided the other day to ask for some help from my angels to write back to my friend. So really i cant take all the credit for this advice. As soon as i sat down to type up my reply i felt my head begin to spin. The entire room felt alive, pulsating and i spoke calmly outloud asking them to tone down their energy because it was making me dizzy. When the dizziness slowly ebbed away i knew for sure that there was a spirit guide there ready to give me the words to type... So here it is right from the beginning:

From my friend...

Yeah, I mean it's nothing too big. It's just, I kinda feel like my parents push me too hard sometimes. Like they expect me to get straight As in everything and when I don't they get really annoyed. Like the other day, I got a D in my biology homework, which I admit was terrible, but it was only one time and immediately my Mum was ready to stop me doing any clubs or extra curricular activities. They're also just in general really over protective, like they'll barely let me go anywhere alone and even then, I have to be with my best friend, my Mum has to drop me off and pick me up and she prefers to be nearby and we have to tell my Mum if we are going into another shop.

So she has to constantly know where I am, what I'm doing and she likes to be very nearby too. Oh and they won't let me go out alone (by alone I mean with my best friend) in certain places (by that I mean towns). God forbid they ever find out about Wattpad. This has to be kept secret, because they would never allow me to go on here. Also, they don't want me to date till I'm about 19, when I finish my A levels, because and I quote "I don't want you distracted". So yeah, I'm just pretty upset at the moment about that, because I feel like they are trying to control my life too much. I know that all they want to do is protect me, but it seems like too much. That's why I've resorted to basically going against their wishes and coming on here, because it's a bit like an escape from things they can control.

Advice:

Heres the thing parents are always going to be protective. This is probably not what you expected me to say at all and even though it doesn't at first sound reassuring what you have to realise is that this is probably the best kind of parenting there is... I think its probably one of the most common. Almost all of my friends at one point or another complained in the past about their parents being too over protective. It was exactly the same with my mam. She wouldn't let me leave the street alone until the age of about 13 and even then I HAD to be with someone she thought of as 'mature' and I had to constantly text her my whereabouts.

From my own experience I can safely say that even now im nearly 21 my mam and dad (even though he doesn't show it as much) still really worry about me and my safety. I think its because they love us so much (you probably gathered that already) I have my own house now and live over an hour away from them but they still phone me every night and text me during the day. Now though I find it more of a comfort than an annoyance because it lets me feel safe and thought of..

I understand what you mean about the 'living your own life/control thing'... What I also know from experience though is that the reason my mam is so protective of me is because she has been through some pretty horrible things in the past, maybe your mam has been hurt in the past and is just trying to prevent it happening to you? What we have to force ourselves to remember is that they are older (cliché) and have experienced 'what is out there in the world' we as younger people do need to find our own feet and make our own mistakes but trust me they are not trying to prevent you from doing this, they are just trying to help you avoid the BIG dangers and BIG mistakes.

With education I think as long as you try your best then you have succeeded no mater what the grade is just as long as you can honestly say you gave it your all.

I think that maybe your parents are just wanting you to have the best possible start in life, but your right you don't want their pressure to consume you and make you rebel against it. Maybe they are pushing you to do better than what they did because perhaps they didn't do as well as they wanted to and didn't get the chance to fulfil their dreams, but are experienced in how hard the world of work is and want you to be able to fulfil your dreams? On the other hand your parents might be very successful (I wouldn't know) and are just hoping that they never have to witness you struggling. The latter can probably be said for either situation.

What you need to start thinking is, what do I want from life and how and I realistically going to get there. What qualifications do you actually need to be successful and then work hard for yourself not for your parents. Maybe that might motivate you further? But you do need to have a break all the same mind you. Relaxation nourishes the soul, education revitalizes the mind. (waoh get me!)

On the whole boyfriend thing... This is crazy but your parents might be right haha ! I am purposely staying single now because I want to succeed with my education and I know all the drama being in a relationship can bring, even if its not fights and fall outs, its the other things like accommodating another person into your life, having to meet them all the time, focusing on them and their life desires then changing your own desires to fit in with them (compromising) <<Oh my god that word took me ages to think of I couldn't remember the word so had to ask Becca and Suzanne haha how embarrassing ... ANYWAY

Im not sure if your parents truly meant it, perhaps they were saying it as a suggestion rather than a rule. They could never stop you from being in a relationship but in all honesty how necessary is one at this time in your life?

Saying that, who knows you might find mr.right who only wants the best for you.

Surely if this did happen your parents would see this and change their minds, either way I think its very important not to let a relationship get in the way of your own life and what you want it to be in the future, also its very wise to take on your parents advice when it comes to a person you are in a relationship with (I didn't and it ended very badly, I know now that even though I thought I was big and cleaver being 17, I in fact was still very young.)

What I think is important (and worked for me) is to start showing your parents how mature you are right now, show them that you are capable of coming home on time, texting them whilst you are out and just following the rules for a little while longer and as time goes by you will realise that they are gradually allowing you to get away with more things. They need to know they can trust you (my mam always says to me Its not you that I don't trust its the outside world.) But I learned that my mam needed reassurance that I was trustworthy enough to go out on my own and come back when I said I would (so that if I was hurt she could honestly tell the police it was not at all like me to not come home without saying where I was.)

That scared me into letting her know even now.

If you start rebelling your family will think you are immature and cant be trusted to be sensible so will come down even harder with rules on you. Which is not what we want.

By doing what I have suggested I have now got a relationship with my mam whereby she is one of my best friends and not only my mother. It is more of a joy to tell her where I am and what I am getting up to! Just as you would a friend. So my main advice here to you is, Think about keeping your own self safe and in time everything will naturally fall into place.

I hope that this has helped you some how.

©Rachel461