Beyond

Chapter Twelve

The flowers show up two days after Bradley confronted me at the park.

Snow drops. My favorite. There's no card, but there's only one person who would have sent them. I take one of the flowers from the bouquet and twirl it between my fingers. The petals hang down from the stem as if trying to grab at my fingers.

"Snow drops?" Bradley asks. "Those are your favorite?"

"Sure," I laugh.

"Why?" He runs his hand through my hair. He follows close behind me as we walk down the aisles of flowers.

"Because they're different. Everyone loves roses or lilies, but snow drops are a different kind of beautiful. They look delicate in the way that antiques are delicate. Like you find them in a vintage store. Like they're made of glass. Also, they remind me of Christmas, and I love the holidays."

He smiles and nods. "Loh, you can expect to come home to snow drops in every room every day if that's what makes you happy."

I take the bud of the flower in between my thumb and index finger and crush the tiny petals. The new and cruel ways Bradley can come up with to torment me has always impressed me. To take something so meaningful—a memory I once considered beautiful—and turning it into something ugly and twisted is a new level of fucked up even for me. These aren't please forgive me flowers. These are I'll destroy everything you find that makes you happy flowers.

These are threat flowers.

I push the vase of flowers into the waiting trashcan, but they don't disappear. The flowers hang over the rim of the can; the white flowers a stark contrast against the black plastic. I know he won't go away any time soon. He's biding time waiting for me to let my guard down.

I meet Shawn at a tiny family owned restaurant in Mid-City. I didn't really feel up to going out, but I hadn't the heart to cancel and DeAndré said I shouldn't put my life on hold because of Bradley. If I'm being honest with myself, Bradley is only half the reason I wanted to cancel.

I can't deny that there is something between Sebastian and me. He makes me laugh. He's a comfort to me in ways that André and Margie aren't.

"How was your day?" Shawn asks.

"It was good. We're getting closer to Christmas, so things have been pretty busy at the store."

He nods thoughtfully. "So, that guy at the pub," he pauses. "Is he like, DeAndré's boyfriend or something?"

"What?" I choke on my sweet tea. "Sebastian? No."

"They looked pretty close," he reasons. He reaches for his glass and brings it to his lips. He watches me over the rim of the glass as if gauging my reaction. I keep my face neutral. He won't get a reaction out of me if that's what he's fishing for.

"They're really good friends. They just click in that way best friends do."

"I thought you were his best friend?"

I roll my eyes. "This isn't kindergarten, Shawn. DeAndré is allowed to have more than one best friend."

"I guess you're right," he chuckles. "They looked cute together and, I guess, I just didn't want to acknowledge that I had any competition."

Of course.

It always come back to that doesn't it?

Who I'm dating?

Who has rights to me?

For reasons I can't begin to explain right now, my blood is roiling.

"Bless your heart," I bite back, rolling my eyes for the second time that night.

"What is that supposed to mean exactly?"

I sigh. "I'm tired of people thinking that I need someone in my life. I have people and, maybe, I'm not looking for anything exclusive right now. That should be okay. You see, the thing is, I've spent whole life existing for someone else and it's never worked out for me. So, I need to ask you if you can support me while I figure this shit out because I've never had to do that on my own before."

Shawn's jaw clenches and he looks away for a moment. "I'm sorry, Shiloh. I let jealousy get the best of me. You're right. Neither of us has a claim to you. I need to respect you more."

When he drops me off at the door of my home, there's no kiss goodnight. No question on whether or not I should let him in. Shawn just offers a soft whisper of a goodnight and makes his way back down the walk.

And, maybe, I've just closed the chapter of my life that includes him.

DeAndré is trying to hide the relief in his voice when I call him the following morning.

"I just feel like a bitch," I confess. "I was too caught up in my drama and took it out on him."

I hear DeAndré sigh over the phone. "Shi, don't beat yourself up over it. You weren't at fault. If he wasn't the least bit pushy, you wouldn't have responded that way."

"Maybe, but I still feel like crap about it."

"That's because you're a good person, Shiloh."

Sebastian is unusually quiet when I meet him at the coffee shop. He fiddles with the sleeves of his sweater as he sits from across me.

"Is everything alright?" I ask, peeking up at him from my coffee cup. "You've been really quiet."

He gives me a small smile. "I'm sorry, Shi," he begins. "I've got to leave in two days to go to New York."

My heart stops. Suddenly, it's like everything has stopped. All I can manage is a small, "Oh."

"It's only for a week or two to take care of some press stuff," he explains, "but I don't want to leave you. Especially with all of the shit you're going through right now."

I put my hand over his and sigh. I know what he's trying to say even if he didn't say it.

"You want to protect me. I'm so thankful for that, but I'm hardly alone. I have André and Margie. It's only for two weeks. We'll be okay."

His eyes widen as if he's just been struck with the best idea, "What if you came with me?"

For a moment, my mind goes blank trying to process what he's just said. "I couldn't do that, Seb."

The corners of his mouth dip lower beneath the line of his mouth. "Margie said herself that you needed to take a vacation. Christmas in New York is beautiful."

I chuckle softly, "Sebastian, it's two weeks. I'll be okay."

"Can I call you at least?"

"Everyday. And DeAndré is going to expect you to come back with a souvenir for him." We laugh together as we sit there and watch the people pass by the window. He nods, smiling, and the mood is suddenly lighter.

A girl could get used to this, I think.