November 10, 2013
Ashton. I stopped counting the weeks you've been gone. The more i think of it, the more it hurts. I miss you more each day. My friends think I'm crazy.. maybe i am, for thinking you loved me..
You've turned so... cold. What happened to the Ashton i once knew?
The Ashton that told me i was perfect and beautiful, the Ashton that promised not to leave.. the Ashton that loved me..
My god. Every time i bring you up.. i get this aching in my fingertips that i cant shake off.. a pain in my chest that is unbearable.. a pain like no other.. a pain that is forever.
I should move on cause i know what we had meant nothing.. but to me it meant everything. Not a day goes by where i don't think of you and wonder what the hell i did wrong.
I know you moved on and I'm just another forgotten memory. That's all ill ever be.. but if you're happy.. then that's all that matters. My happiness doesn't matter anymore.
I wish i didn't love you..
i hate that i love you.
I hate that you love her.
I hate i lost you.
I hate that i let you get to my head. To my heart
But i wouldn't change a thing. I'm still waiting til i wake up from this nightmare that seems to drag on forever. I'm waiting for the day that i wake up and you hold me, telling me that it was just a dream and that you'll never leave my side. I'm waiting for the day i get to hold my world in my arms again
But that day will never come. My love has found another and all i can do is sit back and watch as my heart gets ripped from my chest.
Remember, when you found out about me cutting? Those 8 little words you wrote on my wrist. 'Ashton thinks I'm perfect the way i am'
The words are etched in the side of my head like the way you laughed, you laughed the laugh that i found so beautiful.. like the way you'd kiss each and every cut and scar as you sang gently, whispering that everything would be okay.
I need you.
I love you.. please don't go
Love forever, Lukey
