I was laying, again. It is 7.33 pm right now. I locked myself in my room while listening to my playlist on Spotify. My playlist is shuffling, and i feel so calm even with the mix of genre. Let me tell you, what are the songs that i listen for the past half an hour.
First, it was I Don't Love You by My Chemical Romance,continued by I'm Not Okay then, Good Boy by GD x Taeyang came into my ear. After that, it was Pallete by IU ft Gdragon, Back 2 U by NCT127 then All I Want by Kodaline and now, i am listening to I sing by Taeyeon and Verbal Jint. I just love the mix of genres. Bless my ears.
I have this thought to write something when i was listening to All I Want by Kodaline.
All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door
'Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die a happy man I'm sure
It's been a while since "it" come to me.
I don't remember when was the last time "it" come and knock the door of my soul. Most things about me are dry. My skin, my eyes, my voice and my soul.
Happiness, i am waiting for you to moisturize me.
When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
I lay in tears in bed all night
Alone without you by my side
You.
You can't even say goodbye to me when you walk out from my life.
Do you know, i have a lot of things to tell you?
About how embarrassing i am when there was blood stains on my pants?
About how hurt my toe when i accidentally kicked the table?
How scared i am when i forget to do my assignments?
How happy i am when SuperM's album finally arrived at my house?
But, you don't even call me.
You don't even reply to my texts.
It is okay, maybe you are busy.
But if you loved me
Why'd you leave me?
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is
And all I need is
To find somebody
I'll find somebody like you
You are not here in the first place. In fact, you are never here.
I still remember the way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you talk.
I still remember your passion when you are playing soccer, you eyebrows when you're focusing even it is 5 years since i talk to you.
It is not easy to get rid of you when i start to like you 7 years ago.
How foolish i am. Like a loser. Ha funny, Loser by Bigbang is playing right now. A loser. A loner.
So you brought out the best of me
A part of me I've never seen
You took my soul and wiped it clean
Our love was made for movie screens
You were there at my lowest state. You saw how ridiculous i was when breaking down. You still managed to find time to talk to me. Thank you.
You ignored what other people say about me, say about us. You still love us, despite bad things we've done. You still want us to call you ' Mother ' when everyone else hate us. You still want to meet us, even everyone else diagusted by us. Thank you, teacher. You know who you are. I love you so much.
For your information, i listen to Harry Styles's Sweet Creature. Bae, babe, love, darling. I listen to this song while thinking about my sister. Don't get me wrong. I don't have bad relationship with my parents, i just, i am closest to her. I hate her so much, but i really love her. I am willing to fight anyone to hurt her, physically or mentally.
Ha, it is just right in time. In The End by Linkin Park. I feel like Spotify is umderstand me right now. Like, my phone can sense my feelings.
I tried so hard and got so far.
In the end, it doesn't even matter.
I had to fall to lose it all
In the end, it doesn't even matter.
I always remind myself, don't expect to much. At myself, or other people.
Those expectations can kill you.
Do not put hope too high. To myself or other people.
Ugh, i feel like i have an old mental age. I sound like a 40 year old single independent woman. Gosh.
Okay, i want to jamming while listening to Rhythm Ta ( Rock Version) by iKON. Oh, i miss hanbin.
Ciao.
