Not Quiet A Fairytale

chapter one : now

October 2014

I stared out at the grey morning sky. The sun was not yet it's warm golden colour, instead a white disk, peeking over the horizon as it hid among st the low, heavy clouds.

The window was fogged up from my breathe and as I leant on the glass, the dole of the early morning seeped through my top, making me shiver briefly.

Tilting my head back, my eyes growing heavier, I studied the London skyline which I was now so familiar with. A city once so forgiveness now the place I called home.

It didn't feel like home.

Sighing heavily, I glanced at the wilting roses which sat in a crystal vase on the window sill. Reaching out, I let my fingertips brush across the wrinkled yet still delicate petals of the pale pink roses.

A series of unrecognisable emotions washed over me as I pulled my hand back and hesitantly dropped it to my stomach, letting my fingertips gently pull up the hem of my top and brush over my skin.

I traced circle slowly, carefully drawing various patterns as my fingertips brushed over my skin tenderly and cautiously even though I felt no pain.

"Knock, knock." A soft voice called and dropping my top, I pulled my lips into a weak smile as I turned to face the door.

"Hey honey." Dylan smiled softly, his eyes fully showcasing how much this upset him.

"You didn't have to come." I complained quietly. Slouching against the wall and letting my eyes flutter closed for several beats.

"I bought you some cake, crossiants, jam donuts, cookies and custard tarts." Dylan went on and opening my eyes, I found him holding out a large brown paper bag.

"Thank you." I smiled, taking the bag from him and dropping it onto the table beside two other vases of flowers, my stomach turning at the thought of food.

"You should get some sleep." Dylan told me gently, glancing at last nights dinner tray which still lay beside my bed, untouched.

"I shouldn't be here." I said slowly, pursing my lips at my brother.

"You'll be going home soon." Dylan said slowly, his voice protective and reassuring.

"Which home?" I asked bitterly, glancing at the roses on the window sill and suddenly feeling like I had to tear them apart.

"London. Not Melbourne. Melbourne's not your home anymore." Dylan replied softly, fully aware that this was a sensitive subject.

"Things will be awkward now. And what happens when people find out?" I went on, gaining volume and speed. "The press will go crazy." I added, now in hysterics.

"You were so different once upon a time." Dylan said, a distant look in his eyes as he most likely remembered our past.

"This isn't a fairytale. Let refrain from using phrases such as 'once upon a time'." I explained harshly. "Why are you here anyway?" I asked after a moment.

"I managed to make my way past the nurse." Dylan answered vaguely with a shrug as he took a seat in one of the arm chairs.

"I said no visitors for a reason." I told him strongly, sitting in the arm chair across from him and pulling my knees to my chest.

"Why aren't you speaking to anyone?" Dylan asked slowly.

"I need time to think." I replied gently.

Dylan said nothing and instead we sat there in silence, watching each other carefully.
Dylan's hair was messy, most likely due to the chilling wind and rough night, but it suited him. His brown eyes were soft and comforting and his faded jeans and navy blue coat reminded me of home.

Dylan wasn't technically my brother. The correct term would be step brother but that had never felt right. We were more than two kids, shoved together because our parents fell in love. We were best mates, in it together and there for each other to the end.

Truthfully, I wasn't too upset to see him. I was grateful. Holed up in a hospital room that happenes to be names after you isn't a great feeling.

"You should at least talk to Micheal." Dylan said, interrupting my thoughts.

"What would I say?" I asked, hugging my knees so tightly, I rocked back and forth in the arm chair.

"Grace, you need to tell him. Let him be here for you." Dylan tried to reason, his tone calm as the worry seeped through.

"I'm fine." I shrugged, bitting my bottom lip as I stared at my socks, not making eye contact with him.

"We both know otherwise." Dylan said clearly and he was right. I wasn't fine. "Listen, I've got to get home, my flight is soon." He added after a moment of silence.

"Okay." I mumbled, looking up at him under my eyelashes. "Say hi to everyone for me." I instructed, not moving at all as Dylan bent down and wrapped his arms around me. "Don't tell anyone. Please." I pleaded.

"Hey," Dylan smiled, tilting my chin upwards so I was looking him in the eyes.

"We promised that even if we hated each other, we would never tell a secret. This may be the biggest secret ever but I love you and I keep my promises. Even the ones from our childhood." He told me sternly, yet smiling at the memories of hushed conversations at night when we had first lived together.

"I'm scared this will come out. It can't stay a secret forever." I sighed, my chin dropping to my knees again as Dylan knelt down and hugged me tightly.

"I'll take care of you, I promise." He mumbled into my hair as I took comfort in his warm sweater and soft coat.

"I hate this. I hate this all. The attention, the critics, the demand. I hate how this is my life but doesn't feel like mine no I hate how there's nothing I can do about this." I mumbled, now on the verge of tears as I voiced my true feelings.

"Come on, let's get you to bed, then I'll make a phone call and it'll all be okay." Dylan promise, pulling back no taking my hand gently, leading me over to the bed.

"I'm not tired." I protested as Dylan pulled the covers back.

"You've been up all night." Dylan said softly, turning to look at me.

"I can't stop thinking about it." I admitted, sitting on the edge of the bed carefully.

"Do you regret it?" Dylan asked cautiously as he knelt down in front of me.

"No, it was the right thing. Definitely." I said confidently. "I just, I was nineteen. I could have chose anything. But this, this was the life I chose and I've never felt so isolated before." I mumbled, staring at my hands,

"Come on." Dylan cooed softly, hugging me once again before I finally lay down. "I'll be back in a second." He promised after pulling the covers over me.

"Don't send the nurse in. I don't like them." I told him, rolling over as I snuggled down.

"I won't." Dylan promised, before leaving my room and pulling the door shut behind him.

As much as I wanted to sleep, my mind was still very much awake, countless thought distracting me as I stared at the wooden door.

I wanted so desperately for someone to hold me and promise me it would all be okay. But truth was, it wouldn't. It would never all be okay. I'd known that three years ago and I still knew it now.

So this is a flashback novel and the next chapter will be when she first arrived in the UK. I'm sorry if I get anything wrong about London. I'm not from there so am relying on Google.
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