Too Much To Ask |NH|

Chapter Seventeen

The photographs in Niall's hands became blurred as tears sprang up in his eyes.  Sniffling, he wiped them away.  He needed to see her face again.  He looked at another but it was too blurry.  Another and another, they were all too blurry. 

"Nooo. No. No. No. No. Nooo." He cried as he flipped through the stack of pictures in his hand, realizing the majority of the images he had taken that night were out of focus. 

He had only the two left.  He was holding the last two pictures they had ever taken; the last two pictures he would ever have of her.  Placing them down, he used both hands to wipes his eyes but he couldn't stop crying. 

Liam and I remained in the hospital for what seemed like hours, mostly on the floor of the waiting room. At one point, when Liam had gone to the loo, I stood up and slowly made my way to the doors of the hallway that led to where they had taken her.  When someone came through the doors, I snuck through. 

They were clearly lying to me for some reason.  I knew they were.  And I was going to prove it.  I didn't know which room she had been taken into so I started to slowly peer into each room as I passed it. 

A nurse came up to me, "Sir, can I help you?"

"I'm looking for the woman who was just brought back here.  Her name is Leni Daniels or it might be under Horan."

The nurse went to a computer and looked her up.  "She's in room 110.  But, sir, I don't think you should go in there.  She's--"

"It's fine.  The doctor said I could."

The nurse slowly nodded and let me go.  I found room 110.  The door was closed.  I looked to my left and then to my right to see if anyone was coming to get me.  I saw and heard nothing. Placing my hand on the door knob, I slowly turned it.  As I pushed the door open, I could see what looked like a lot of stuff thrown around on the floor but I didn't get any further before someone grabbed me and pulled me back.

"What the--?"

I was turned around to face Liam, "Don't do it, Niall.  Don't do it."

"She's not dead, Liam.  They're lying, don't you see."

Liam looked at me like I'd lost my mind.  Grabbing my face with his hand and forcing me to look in his eyes, he said,  "No, Niall, they're not.  And you don't need to see her like that. You don't want that to be the last thing you remember of her.  You hear me?!"

"She's not dead!" I shouted. "She's not dead."

I burst into tears and nearly crumpled to the floor as Liam brought me in for a hug, holding my head tightly, he whispered, "I wish she wasn't, Niall, but she is.  And I'm so sorry.  But, she would not want you to see her like that."

"She's not dead.  She can't be," I cried into his shoulder.  "She can't be." 

Once Liam had calmed him down, he brought him back to his place but Niall insisted he be taken home or else he'd get a cab.  So Liam brought him home but luckily, did not leave him alone. 

When he had walked into their home, he was numb.  According to Liam, he had mumbled incoherent words before slowly walking around the perimeter of the living room, looking at every picture, before heading for the bedroom where he collapsed onto their bed, curled up into a ball, and there he remained.

He doesn't remember the days that followed.  He knew his parents and her parents got there at some point.  He hardly moved.  He refused to eat.  The only time he got out of their bed was when he needed to use the toilet.  He saw no one.

He doesn't remember her funeral.  He doesn't remember what was said about her; what music was played; who came.  And, now that he thought about it, he wished he could remember.  She was so well loved. 

Wiping away more tears, Niall looked up from the photographs in his hands.  Walking into the room where he had moved all of her things, he went through every single box until he came across the one he was searching for.  Bringing it out into the living room, he found all the DVDs that had been made over the years, but also, he found the video that had been taken the day of her funeral.

Lifting it out, he placed it in the player and turned on the TV.  He hesitated to push play.  He hadn't seen it.  He hadn't looked at any of it.  "You owe her and yourself that much," he defiantly said, his finger pushing play.

For a moment, nothing could be seen, but then the music started - sad, depressing, somber music. The first image appeared on the screen was of the sun shining brightly.  A stark contrast to the music playing.  Niall hit the stop button, unable to watch.  He closed his eyes for a moment.  When he opened them, he hit the fast forward button, the slowest one so that he still saw what was happening without having to listen to it.  Everyone was there - all the boys, her family, his family, her friends.  

He hit play when he saw his own form appear on the screen, the music had stopped and he heard Louis speaking but the video was on him.  He was sitting in the front row, dark glasses on, covering the majority of his face but he could still tell he had been crying from the constant wiping of his face.  He was wearing a dark navy suit, her favorite.  He hit fast forward again until he came to the end.  Everyone placed a white calla lily - her favorite - onto her coffin.  As everyone else left, he remained.  The camera cut off before cutting back on, a bit of distance between her gravesite and where the cameraman actually was. 

Niall was still sitting in his seat, but the camera had zoomed in enough to see that his mouth was moving.  He kept bringing his hands up to his eyes.  "What was I saying?"

After several more minutes, he stood up from his seat and placed the lily on her coffin, bending down to kiss where her head would've been.

Niall hit the stop button.  Numb.  He didn't remember any of this.