The Stars that Guide Us

3

Boys Don't Cry...

Chuck sneaks around the outskirts of Tommy's property and dodges into bushes when any noise is made; the slightest rift in Auggie's breathing prompting him to tease, "Aw, chicken scared?" and Auggie to seriously reconsider why he chose to come, but all Chuck sees is Auggie rolling his eyes, and Chuck smiles jovially.

"Okay, are you ready for the battle to start, my companion!" Chuck dramatically whispers to Auggie, and elbows him teasingly in the side.

"I doubt you even know what a companion is." Auggie sighs, but nods and allows himself to have fun before Chuck can accuse offense. "Yes, I am ready for it to commence..."

"...what is that?" Chuck asks hesitantly, smiling and tilting his head sideways to get a closer look at Auggie as Auggie rubs the bridge of his nose. Chuck's body recoils in disgust as his mind drifts off to Auggie's physical features, and attractiveness and a cold sweat with a mind of its own stands and marches across his body as the disgust deepens. Auggie's sharp voice snaps him out of it,

"God, start Chuck! Start, begin, you know, get on with it!"

"Damn, alright. Just asking a question...damn...not everyone is Mr. Dictionary, you know." Chuck sighs, but his dejected persona is quickly replaced by mischievous excitement and he wiggles his eyebrows before reaching forward and pulling Auggie to his height by the shoulders.

Auggie gulps from Chuck's brown eyes being so close to his that he can see entire cities and their lights in them. Auggie releases a shaky breath, and has to refuse the urge to look cautiously around their surroundings for witnesses; as though he's committing a crime and cannot afford to be caught. That's not far from the truth. His eyes cautiously observe his peripherals, at least, and then are right back to admiring Chuck in front of him. A ball of guilt, confusion, and disgust rests at the back of his throat but he swallows it hard down; choosing to focus on the present and not what would happen if—would happen if—

If they ever knew what happened behind Auggie's skull, and resided in his brain.

Chuck would have noticed Auggie's completely wrecked persona if he hadn't been repeating the mantra, just Auggie, dude...its just Auggie. He's...ugl—He's a funky tall dude, you're fine. Stop, don't think his eyes are nice, stop it—stop. The entire time his hands were splayed on Auggie's broad shoulders; his main goal was not freaking his shit out. What was seconds seemed like a forever to them—a forever they wouldn't mind living in.

A mischievous smirk full of excitement and confidence—and a large dose of stupidity—fell over Chucks lips and Auggie tried to mask the gulp as a cough, resulting in a raised eyebrow from Chuck. "Are you faking sick to get out of this?" Chuck asks, and a glimmer of sadness stands behind his mischievousness, but also the sharp taste of acid rests on his tongue and he wants to make this night last longer, "I hoped your chicken-ness wouldn't effect this but I see now that—"

"I am not a chicken, Chuck. Let me show you, moron." Auggie sharply, quietly replies and marches off with the carton of eggs he was carrying to disappear around a tall bush. A wave of...something...washed over Chuck as he gazed at the dark blanket of surroundings around him, and waited for Auggie to return. He didn't want to investigate the tingle down his spine, or the way Auggie's lips twisted with determination. He didn't want to think about it at all even though that was the only thing his mind wanted to settle on; Auggie's Goddammed lips.

Auggie's face pops around the corner and waves Chuck forward, a slip of a grin aching to be released. Auggie, instead, releases a small laugh and shakes his head, "Were you waiting for instructions on how to walk?"

"What—no! We're on a top-secret mission; I was waiting for the coast to clear." Chuck denies, and his mouth drops in shock—as though what Auggie was insinuating was just simply too far-fetched. Besides, Auggie should know better...Truthfully, they should both know better.

A taste of fists, and blood and slurs and pain shoots through the air; a permanent reminder inside of both their minds. Auggie decides to ignore the bitterness resting on his tongue, and shakes his head from the memories; his side aching.

"Here, dull one," Auggie teases through smirking lips, and hands Chuck an egg, to which Chuck narrows his eyebrows in defiance and Auggie crackles the back of his throat to fight the emotions scaling up his throat.

"There is a reason I put you in charge of the eggs," Chuck begins and Auggie is already rolling his eyes; any semblance of soft emotions resting in his throat quickly being replaced by a hard groan of annoyance.

"Oh, c'mon, Chuck." He begs, holding the carton of eggs as Chuck smirks up at him, and Auggie nods his head towards Tommy's house; an action that goes unnoticed by Chuck.

"I just thought—"

"Oh, you had a thought? Was it an original one or...where'd you find that one? I'm so proud of you."

"—since you're such a chicken, you'd like to be with your chicken comrades." Both were teeming with emotions that boys were just not supposed to have for one another and it was coming out in their usual nasty banter but it hurt more. It hurt so much more. And the pain brought up a deep, primal disgust set into their souls from years of being told that these emotions were wrong, wrong, wrong.

Whenever Auggie spit out his usual sarcastic comments about Chuck's 'gross' eating habits or intelligence, it was as though his heart got ripped forcefully through his chest and left a gaping hole in his sternum; his ribs breaking like strings off an instrument and limply laying there without a purpose.

Auggie already had doubts about his bravery and masculinity; his features, and the constant nagging in the back of his head that he's just not good enough. A little more of this, not enough of that, and a bit more effort, and yet he still wasn't good enough. It didn't help that Chuck brought it up every chance that he could and yes, he could take the other insults; nerd, wise guy, Smart Alek, and other teasing names. But something about chicken falling carelessly from Chuck's lips? It tore him up.

Boys just were not built to feel this way, so why did they?

The air had become thick again with a stench of despair screaming to be absorbed into a bed of happiness and to swept away in a dream; like it never existed. Chuck's eyes burned with fragility, and desperate anger as his jaw set; ready for a tussle, a rumble, anything like they used to before things got so confusing for him; he ached for familiarity. But instead, Auggie slowly exhaled the cocktail of emotions he didn't want to breach yet, and shoved Chuck's head gingerly with a soft, forced smile on his lips, "They haven't been fertilized, stupid, so it's just an egg. It's a whole process, and..." Auggie looped an arm around Chucks shoulder and both boys decided to ignore the tingle shooting across their skin,

"Nerd." Chuck teased, cutting off Auggie's awkward reply, but continued to gaze at Auggie from the corner of his eye. He looked so tired.

"At least I know my left from rights."

"Whatever, lets trash this shit-birds house."

Boys weren't supposed to feel like this and it hurt that their emotions were forbidden.