Life of a Narrator

Prologue - Narrator

Prologue

Robert: My name is Robert and I'm gonna tell you a story about vampires. Yeah, it's another bloody vampire book. (pardon the pun) Have you got a problem with that? No? Well SHUT THE HELL UP!!! Right, are you all sitting comfortably? Then let's begin...

Robert: Our story starts with someone called Sam. Sam is a stupid boy and he is very annoying all th-

Sam: Rob, SHUT UP!!!

Robert: No Sam, this is gonna be better than the stuff you wro-

Sam: Shut up and get OUT!!!

Robert: Alright, no need to get your knickers in a twist.

Sam: Sorry about that. My name is Sam and I am gonna tell you the story. Sorry about Robert, he's kind of a douche bag. Anyway, the story begins with me!! I'm so awesome, I ca- hey, Rob, I thought I told you to leave. Where did you get that knife? Rob? ARGH!!! HELP!!! SOMEBODY, PLEASE HELP ME!!! KNIVES ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GO THERE!!! HOLY CR@P, YOU STABBED MY KIDNEY!!! hOW DID YOU EVEN DO THAT?!?

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Random person: Important message. Due to certain injuries, the narrator will be in hospital for a short amount of time. Please wait for some more of this epic tale. Sorry, I mean - please wait for the start of this not-so-epic weirdo story.

In the mean time, please enjoy this idiot talking about spoons.

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Spoon man: Spoons are brilliant, they are. I've seen a spoon that I didn't like. They're so spoony and smooth... They talk to me at night. They tell me to do things, like kill my neighbour. Unfortunatly, I already killed him during my obsession with forks. I stopped liking forks after I accidentally stabbed myself with one. Anyways, I love spoons, I follow them home from school, I sleep with spoons...

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Random person: Important message. Due to complaints about the imagery in the rest of the spoon persons talk about spoons, we had to edit out the rest. It is for your safety!!! He really loves his spoons...