Obsessed With Obsession

•Preoccupied With Him•

ᑕᕼᗩᑭTᗴᖇ TᗯᗴᑎTY-ᖴOᑌᖇ: ᑭᖇᗴOᑕᑕᑌᑭIᗴᗪ ᗯITᕼ ᕼIᗰ

DAYS seem to pass so, so slow when you are preoccupied with thinking about someone who's so hurtful to you. Someone who causes harm unintentionally because of their jealousy clawing them out. Leo, it happened to him. He let his jealousy consume him and took it out on me.

It has been weeks since Leo and I's first fight. I cried and cried until I couldn't anymore, and my mind was void of anything at all. I feel so empty and at times like this I know I'm in love again. This is terrifying. Falling in love. Because at any given moment, I can love and be loved until I screw it up. Until I turn into a psychopath, obsessing over a person I can't have anymore. Taking pictures and following him wherever possible.

I'm a stalker when I get in a devastated mood. I have come to terms with that evil part of me, and I hate it. I don't know how to act, and I'm scared of what I, myself, am capable of. I feel like I have no idea who I am in situations like the one I'm currently in. I don't know myself and whether that is a good or bad thing is beyond me.

Furthermore, I haven't left this spot on the floor except to go to the bathroom. I sleep next to the door and eat nothing. My stomach is hurting from how hungry I am; but every time I try to eat, I throw the food back up. My appetite is completely gone, and I haven't gone to class whatsoever. I know Keito is worried from the amount of text messages on my phone.

I check my phone to see the messages along with a few emails. I don't bother opening them. Instead, I fall back asleep and enter a dream world.

Everything's dark for a moment until I see a figure. Their back is facing me and I can vaguely hear their voice saying something along the lines "get out before it's too late". Something, nevertheless, is pulling me toward the figure in the center of a dark room. I can't move anywhere but forward, and it's terrifying like being in love.

The figure shifts around the room at a fast speed, and then I see nothing for a little bit. The only thing in place of the figure is a window. Again, I cannot move anywhere but forward so I do. The window, now that I'm closer, has a beautiful view of a Tokyo dawn. The polluted air mixed with a foggy morning gives the city a mysterious look, and I can't seem to look away until I feel a harsh tap on my shoulder and turn around quickly to see red eyes staring back at me.

I wake up rather abruptly to the sound of yelling downstairs. Another fight the neighbors below are having. The light of the not yet sunny day has invaded my apartment. My head and stomach are aching when I stand up. I don't know whether I should eat or not because throwing it back up is not my favorite thing to do. I decide to eat anyway because some food in my kitchen is going to go bad soon, and who I am I kidding, I'm fucking starving.

I enter the kitchen and open the refrigerator to see hardly anything in there. There are some eggs and bread but I'm not a big fan of eggs by themselves. I got them for Leo.

Leo.

I miss Leo. I miss him so much. Everything in my apartment is starting to remind me of him and it hurts so much. Maybe I should just go over there and forgive him. He didn't say anything too bad, but he did call me a slut. Fuck, this is a hard decision. I can't think properly.

I didn't want Marcus, that needs to be stated clearly. I didn't want him when I first met Leo, and I definitely don't want him now that I have Leo. Sure, I thought about how his lips would feel after a year but actually feeling it would absolutely disgust me. I'm in love with Leo, that's evident since day one, and nothing can change the way I feel about him. Not even Marcus coming back to Japan.

With that being said, I feel sick. Looking at this dreadful place is eating me inside out. Maybe a refreshing step on the fire escape will help me clear my mind. Perhaps breathing in Tokyo air and looking at the beautiful morning will help me feel better. So I trudge over to the window and open it with only a bit of struggle. The cool air hits me in the face first. I breathe in and instantly feel amazing. I don't step out though because it's cold and my feet are bare.

I want to leave my apartment for a little bit. I want to feel the breeze against my clothed body as I walk to nowhere in particular. To see the foggy morning dampen my skin and drip off the already dewy plants. Maybe when I walk by Ueno Park I'll see the beautiful cherry blossoms in bloom. That will surely cheer me up.

I rush to my room to get dressed. I put on some dark jeans that I haven't worn in awhile along with a pink t-shirt that hangs loosely on my body. I tuck half of the shirt in my tight jeans and move to slide on my white ankle boots. I fluff my hair only slightly before grabbing my apartment keys and phone.

Once I'm out in the hallway, It's eerily quiet as well as dark. I feel cold. Colder than I did with the open window in my apartment. The corridor lights are off and it's too dark for me to see anything. I lock my door as best I can without using my eyesight. It's a lot harder than it would seem.

I feel anxious when my back is turned, and the little hairs on my neck are standing at attention. Not knowing whether to run back inside my apartment or run outside, I choose neither as a hand is shooting out to cover my mouth. I scream but there's no point since the hand is muffling my sounds. I cannot see who is manhandling me, but I have a feeling that it isn't Leo. He wouldn't do this. It must be Scarlett, and she's hurting me really bad. I feel my insides twisting and turning and I realize I forgot the cologne. I forgot.

I feel my hot blood dripping down my face. I'm struggling against her but she's too strong and I'm too weak. She says nothing, but I suddenly feel a powerful force push against me again telling me to shut up. I don't. She turns me around and slams me against the wall harder than anything I've ever felt. I whine and open my eyes to see what was once darkness turned into red. Red eyes to be precise.

Red eyes that confirm my assumptions; and red eyes that cause me to blackout from shock and pain. I drop everything to the ground as well as myself.