As soon as I heard the news about Jake’s death, I dropped down on my knees. I couldn’t believe what just happened. Tears started to engulf my eyes just as darkness started to engulf the sky. The salty substance then rolled down my pale cheeks, slicing my flesh like a knife. All the amazing summer plans seem to dissolve before my eyes.
The next day was Jake’s funeral. I couldn’t sleep at all last night. I just listened to his favorite songs in bed, and recollect all the beautiful memories we had together. Majority of everyone there came to me and said things like “he was such a good person”, “he really did loved you” or “he had a bright future ahead of him.”
When a classmate whom I liked least came to me and started talking to me about Jake, I was so mad. She was talking about Jake like she even liked him before he.… you know. I can’t say it. I clenched my hands into tight fists, doffing my fingernails into my palms. I squeezed until I could see half-moon circles on my skin. I wouldn’t let anger take control over me right now.
I was so sick of everybody telling me those things. Because honestly, I know Jake more than anyone in this world would ever know. They didn’t need to tell me. I already knew. Why doesn’t anyone understand that at this time all I need is just to be alone and nothing else? If luck is on my side tonight, all of them would leave early.
Finally, my best friend Kelsi came to me. She was wearing this elegant black dress which was cut simply and is quite short. Kelsi is stunning. She has this beautiful thick blonde hair and a perfect body. I have always wanted to look more like her. She wore a pale pink lipstick, and she emphasize her blue eyes with mascara.
“Hey Kels” I said.
“Hey Alyssa. How are you keeping up?” She questioned me.
“Not that good, I guess.” I replied to her, still confused why she asked me that.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course, babe.” I told her.
“What is the last thing lingering at the back of your mind? Like about Jake? What was his last words to you?” She asked me with hesitation, in fear that I would break down in tears. Again. I knew from the way she bit her lip after asking me.
But I could tell that she was really curious. So I decided to just spit it out.
“Well we were on the phone, discussing our summer plans. So I guess the last thing he said to me was ‘I can’t wait to spend my summer with you. I miss and love you!’ “ I confessed.
“Wow.” She said.
I shot her a radiant smile but I didn’t say anything. And of course, tears started rolling down my cheeks. With a jingle of bracelets, she pushed my long brown bangs out of my eyes.
“I’ll always be here for you okay, Lyss?”
I just nodded in reply, wiping the tears away from my eyes.
When the sky has deepened into a bruised purple, people started leaving. “Thank God.” I whispered to myself. A few people came to me to say goodbye, and I always try to fake a smile to them, but it was like my mouth has forgotten how to.
When everybody left, I was left with Kelsi. I told her I wanted to go to bed and be alone for the rest of the night. So, without any other alternative, she went to her room, and so did I. I saw a picture of me and Jake in my table and started crying. I felt like killing my self right at that moment.
I slammed the wall with my fist, threw all my books to the floor. I really didn't know whether I was angry, devastated , or just scared. Probably all three. I was angry at everyone for not understanding my need of being alone. I was devastated that Jake was gone. Why did it have to be him? Why not the guy beside him in the bus? What could he have done wrong to deserve this? I was scared about going on with my life without Jake being in it. I was scared I would never be as happy as I was before. I was scared of never being able to love again.
I grabbed my MP3 Player and started listening to music because I know that music is the only thing that can calm me down at times like this. I thought about my memories with Jake until I drift off to sleep. Music is my only way to salvation.
-Deandra Puteri Cendana
